Two milestones
I think Zoe has achieved mobility. (It's the beginning of the end!) She isn't crawling yet, but she is doing this backwards scooting thing. We were at her grandmother's yesterday, and I noticed she moved a little bit while we were playing on the floor. Later that night, we were playing some more at home. She moved 2-3 feet a few times, off her play blanket. So far, only going backwards. She is trying to get onto her knees but hasn't figured it out yet. She's also sleeping horribly at night. I think the two things might be related.
I've also finished my book revisions. The book was 535 pages. It's now 379. I'm going to start submitting again after Christmas and see if I get any good feedback. Either way, I'm beyond ready to start on my next project. I have the beginning of one novella and ideas for two more. It was interesting, when I finished entering all the revisions this last time, I typed "The End" on the last page. I'd never before had that impulse, so maybe I really am done. God, I hope so.
Friday
A book meme
Via the Split Infinitive. The rules: bold what you have read, italicize what you started but didn’t finish, and strike through what you couldn’t stand.
1984
The Aeneid
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
American Gods
Anansi Boys
Angela’s Ashes : A Memoir
Angels & Demons
Anna Karenina
Atlas Shrugged
Beloved
The Blind Assassin
Brave New World
The Brothers Karamazov
The Canterbury Tales
Catch-22
The Catcher in the Rye
A Clockwork Orange
Cloud Atlas
Collapse : How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
A Confederacy of Dunces
The Confusion
The Corrections
The Count of Monte Cristo
Crime and Punishment
Cryptonomicon
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
David Copperfield
Don Quixote
Dracula
Dubliners
Dune
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
Emma
Foucault’s Pendulum
The Fountainhead
Frankenstein
Freakonomics : A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
The God of Small Things
The Grapes of Wrath
Gravity’s Rainbow
Great Expectations
Gulliver’s Travels
Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
The Historian : A Novel
The Hobbit
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
The Iliad
In Cold Blood : A True Account of a Multiple Murder and its Consequences
The Inferno
Jane Eyre
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
The Kite Runner
Les Misérables
Life of Pi : A Novel
Lolita
Love in the Time of Cholera
Madame Bovary
Mansfield Park
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlemarch
Middlesex
The Mists of Avalon
Moby Dick
Mrs. Dalloway
The Name of the Rose
Neverwhere
Northanger Abbey
The Odyssey
Oliver Twist
On the Road
The Once and Future King
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Oryx and Crake : A Novel
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Persuasion
The Picture of Dorian Gray
The Poisonwood Bible : A Novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Pride and Prejudice
The Prince
Quicksilver
Reading Lolita in Tehran : A Memoir in Books
The Satanic Verses
The Scarlet Letter
Sense and Sensibility
A Short History of Nearly Everything
The Silmarillion
Slaughterhouse-five
The Sound and the Fury
The Tale of Two Cities
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
The Three Musketeers
The Time Traveler’s Wife
To the Lighthouse
Treasure Island
Ulysses
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Vanity Fair
War and Peace
Watership Down
White Teeth
Wicked : The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
Wuthering Heights
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : An Inquiry Into Values
I seem to have a hard time getting through Dostoyevsky (but somehow I know how to spell his name). And I didn't strike through any books. It takes quite a bit for me to hate a story.
Via the Split Infinitive. The rules: bold what you have read, italicize what you started but didn’t finish, and strike through what you couldn’t stand.
1984
The Aeneid
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
American Gods
Anansi Boys
Angela’s Ashes : A Memoir
Angels & Demons
Anna Karenina
Atlas Shrugged
Beloved
The Blind Assassin
Brave New World
The Brothers Karamazov
The Canterbury Tales
Catch-22
The Catcher in the Rye
A Clockwork Orange
Cloud Atlas
Collapse : How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
A Confederacy of Dunces
The Confusion
The Corrections
The Count of Monte Cristo
Crime and Punishment
Cryptonomicon
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
David Copperfield
Don Quixote
Dracula
Dubliners
Dune
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
Emma
Foucault’s Pendulum
The Fountainhead
Frankenstein
Freakonomics : A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything
The God of Small Things
The Grapes of Wrath
Gravity’s Rainbow
Great Expectations
Gulliver’s Travels
Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
The Historian : A Novel
The Hobbit
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
The Iliad
In Cold Blood : A True Account of a Multiple Murder and its Consequences
The Inferno
Jane Eyre
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
The Kite Runner
Les Misérables
Life of Pi : A Novel
Lolita
Love in the Time of Cholera
Madame Bovary
Mansfield Park
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlemarch
Middlesex
The Mists of Avalon
Moby Dick
Mrs. Dalloway
The Name of the Rose
Neverwhere
Northanger Abbey
The Odyssey
Oliver Twist
On the Road
The Once and Future King
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Oryx and Crake : A Novel
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Persuasion
The Picture of Dorian Gray
The Poisonwood Bible : A Novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Pride and Prejudice
The Prince
Quicksilver
Reading Lolita in Tehran : A Memoir in Books
The Satanic Verses
The Scarlet Letter
Sense and Sensibility
A Short History of Nearly Everything
The Silmarillion
Slaughterhouse-five
The Sound and the Fury
The Tale of Two Cities
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
The Three Musketeers
The Time Traveler’s Wife
To the Lighthouse
Treasure Island
Ulysses
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Vanity Fair
War and Peace
Watership Down
White Teeth
Wicked : The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
Wuthering Heights
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : An Inquiry Into Values
I seem to have a hard time getting through Dostoyevsky (but somehow I know how to spell his name). And I didn't strike through any books. It takes quite a bit for me to hate a story.
More Zoe
Zoe’s daycare teachers say she really loves books and will spend long periods flipping through them on her own. Hmmm … wonder where she got that from?
She is a drooling monkey and will sit around making funny faces like sticking her tongue out, “spitting,” and just generally doing weird things with her mouth, which I think are all due to her teething. But no teeth have broken through yet!
I think she’s starting to understand “jokes.” I was making funny faces and noises at her last night and she kept giggling.
She’s eating green beans and other veggies, in addition to oatmeal cereal. We’re trying to give her the green stuff before the sweet things. Our pediatrician (and others) have said that once you get them going on the sweet stuff, it’s hard to get them to eat the greens.
Last week, Zoe and I shared two classic mother-daughter moments. I was taking her to daycare and I was wearing a dress that shows some cleavage (this becomes important later in the story). I’d fed her, made her bottles for the day, dressed her, loaded everything in the car, and grabbed my jacket. I was in the process of putting on her sweater to walk out the door when she started having a coughing fit. She made the sound every mother dreads, that chocking noise that sounds like a cat hacking up a hair ball, and then she puked … straight down my dress. From the outside, you could barely tell. Inside my dress, I had warm spit up sliding down my stomach. Of course, I had to change my outfit.
A day or two later, she was having a bath. I’d just soaped up her head when she got her telltale red face. She started grunting; I freaked and lifted her out of the water where I found a couple of presents. Nate said, “this bath is over,” and I guess he dried her hair with the shampoo on it (because I didn't hear any water running) while I took care of the water and poop disposal.
And those, my friends, are the moments that no one can prepare you for as a parent.
Zoe’s daycare teachers say she really loves books and will spend long periods flipping through them on her own. Hmmm … wonder where she got that from?
She is a drooling monkey and will sit around making funny faces like sticking her tongue out, “spitting,” and just generally doing weird things with her mouth, which I think are all due to her teething. But no teeth have broken through yet!
I think she’s starting to understand “jokes.” I was making funny faces and noises at her last night and she kept giggling.
She’s eating green beans and other veggies, in addition to oatmeal cereal. We’re trying to give her the green stuff before the sweet things. Our pediatrician (and others) have said that once you get them going on the sweet stuff, it’s hard to get them to eat the greens.
Last week, Zoe and I shared two classic mother-daughter moments. I was taking her to daycare and I was wearing a dress that shows some cleavage (this becomes important later in the story). I’d fed her, made her bottles for the day, dressed her, loaded everything in the car, and grabbed my jacket. I was in the process of putting on her sweater to walk out the door when she started having a coughing fit. She made the sound every mother dreads, that chocking noise that sounds like a cat hacking up a hair ball, and then she puked … straight down my dress. From the outside, you could barely tell. Inside my dress, I had warm spit up sliding down my stomach. Of course, I had to change my outfit.
A day or two later, she was having a bath. I’d just soaped up her head when she got her telltale red face. She started grunting; I freaked and lifted her out of the water where I found a couple of presents. Nate said, “this bath is over,” and I guess he dried her hair with the shampoo on it (because I didn't hear any water running) while I took care of the water and poop disposal.
And those, my friends, are the moments that no one can prepare you for as a parent.
Monday
Moment of synchronicity?
I was reading Spike's most recent entry about working a benefit, her son's birthday, and watching an Austin musician play with her son onstage:
"But the real, true highlight of the show was The Shelley King Band. How I missed hearing this woman sing up until this point is beyond me, but I count that as a major oversight and complete loss. Holy Mother she is fantastic, and a great songwriter, with a million references to the weather that escaped being cliché and put me right in the moment, right there on her porch watching the rain come down.
Best of all, though, was that when Shelley plays, her three year old, Clark, stands beside her with a little guitar and a tiny mic stand. Wait til I post the pictures. Clark knows every word to every song and he stands there and sings and it is beyond a riot.
...
Just watching Clark would've been enough but there was an added bonus. As it happens, when Henry was three, we used to go see Don Walser play every week at Jovita's. And Henry had an itty-bitty guitar with no strings. And he'd go and stand right next to Don Walser and "strum" and it was the cutest thing. So watching Clark, as the now 6' 1" Henry sat behind me, grinning at the sight, just thrilled me."
Reading the entry gave me the strong urge (always present, but sometimes more suppressed/repressed than at other times) to move back to Austin. I had this image of living life with Zoe in Austin. She loves music and dancing--the first time I felt her move in the womb was during a live show at Trinity Pub and right now she seems to really like Stevie Ray Vaughn--and I just had this image of her growing up with music as a natural part of life, in restaurants and coffee shops and everywhere.
I followed the link to the musician's Myspace page and heard "Call of My Heart," which is about being called home.
I think I stress Nate out when I talk about Austin. We both have had our moments of wanting to move back, and moments of feeling more-or-less content with where we are. We like our house, have good jobs, etc. The road blocks have always been the same. We haven't had much luck finding jobs in Austin. When we were younger, we might have just taken the chance and moved there. But now we have responsibilities--the mortgage, the need for medical insurance for Zoe, etc. A move to Austin hasn't come together for us but the desire remains. I'm not sure what that means. Perhaps that it's not the right time?
I was reading Spike's most recent entry about working a benefit, her son's birthday, and watching an Austin musician play with her son onstage:
"But the real, true highlight of the show was The Shelley King Band. How I missed hearing this woman sing up until this point is beyond me, but I count that as a major oversight and complete loss. Holy Mother she is fantastic, and a great songwriter, with a million references to the weather that escaped being cliché and put me right in the moment, right there on her porch watching the rain come down.
Best of all, though, was that when Shelley plays, her three year old, Clark, stands beside her with a little guitar and a tiny mic stand. Wait til I post the pictures. Clark knows every word to every song and he stands there and sings and it is beyond a riot.
...
Just watching Clark would've been enough but there was an added bonus. As it happens, when Henry was three, we used to go see Don Walser play every week at Jovita's. And Henry had an itty-bitty guitar with no strings. And he'd go and stand right next to Don Walser and "strum" and it was the cutest thing. So watching Clark, as the now 6' 1" Henry sat behind me, grinning at the sight, just thrilled me."
Reading the entry gave me the strong urge (always present, but sometimes more suppressed/repressed than at other times) to move back to Austin. I had this image of living life with Zoe in Austin. She loves music and dancing--the first time I felt her move in the womb was during a live show at Trinity Pub and right now she seems to really like Stevie Ray Vaughn--and I just had this image of her growing up with music as a natural part of life, in restaurants and coffee shops and everywhere.
I followed the link to the musician's Myspace page and heard "Call of My Heart," which is about being called home.
I think I stress Nate out when I talk about Austin. We both have had our moments of wanting to move back, and moments of feeling more-or-less content with where we are. We like our house, have good jobs, etc. The road blocks have always been the same. We haven't had much luck finding jobs in Austin. When we were younger, we might have just taken the chance and moved there. But now we have responsibilities--the mortgage, the need for medical insurance for Zoe, etc. A move to Austin hasn't come together for us but the desire remains. I'm not sure what that means. Perhaps that it's not the right time?
Thursday
Zoe Update
The Z-thang is now six months old and recently had her well visit/check up with the pediatrician. She is in something like the 40th percentile for weight (15 pounds) and the 95th for length. So, so far she’s long and kinda skinny with a nice baby Buddha belly. Of course, all the parents I’ve talked to say the growth charts are a bunch of baloney and don’t indicate anything, except maybe I should take her to the store when I buy clothing for her. I bought a bunch of 6-12 month onesies and pants online. The pants are the perfect length right now, which makes me suspect she'll outgrow them sooner than 12 months.
She’s sitting up on her own for extended periods and reaching out pretty far for things (like toys that are just out of her reaaaaaach). Her balance is a lot better, but she does occasionally tump over, so we usually set her up with a boppy or someone sitting behind her.
She’s started eating cereal (into the world of solid foods) and strongly prefers oatmeal to rice.
She’s giggling a lot these days, which is damned cute.
She’s also a drooling mess, which means we drop her off at daycare in one outfit and bib and she comes home in a different set. I can see four teeth at the top and four on the bottom through her gums, but nothing has actually poked out yet. I suspect that with all this increased drooling at least one is sure to make an appearance soon.
She is absolutely fascinated by tags right now. If she’s playing with a stuffed toy, she turns it over to find the tag and pulls at it endlessly. She’s also into eyeglasses and will try to pull them off your face.
She’s been grabbing at my face in general. Nose and lips have been popular for a while. This week she added pulling my hair and ear (ouch), but it’s pretty funny.
Her babbling and creaky singing continue.
Her eyes were blue when she was born, a much darker blue than her father's. At around three months, there was a ring of brown around the pupil, and we assumed they would eventually become completely brown. That hasn’t happened. Either they haven’t finished changing or she has hazel eyes. Sometimes her eyes look blue, brown, or green. In a way, this is the perfect combination. She has both of her parents’ eyes.
The Z-thang is now six months old and recently had her well visit/check up with the pediatrician. She is in something like the 40th percentile for weight (15 pounds) and the 95th for length. So, so far she’s long and kinda skinny with a nice baby Buddha belly. Of course, all the parents I’ve talked to say the growth charts are a bunch of baloney and don’t indicate anything, except maybe I should take her to the store when I buy clothing for her. I bought a bunch of 6-12 month onesies and pants online. The pants are the perfect length right now, which makes me suspect she'll outgrow them sooner than 12 months.
She’s sitting up on her own for extended periods and reaching out pretty far for things (like toys that are just out of her reaaaaaach). Her balance is a lot better, but she does occasionally tump over, so we usually set her up with a boppy or someone sitting behind her.
She’s started eating cereal (into the world of solid foods) and strongly prefers oatmeal to rice.
She’s giggling a lot these days, which is damned cute.
She’s also a drooling mess, which means we drop her off at daycare in one outfit and bib and she comes home in a different set. I can see four teeth at the top and four on the bottom through her gums, but nothing has actually poked out yet. I suspect that with all this increased drooling at least one is sure to make an appearance soon.
She is absolutely fascinated by tags right now. If she’s playing with a stuffed toy, she turns it over to find the tag and pulls at it endlessly. She’s also into eyeglasses and will try to pull them off your face.
She’s been grabbing at my face in general. Nose and lips have been popular for a while. This week she added pulling my hair and ear (ouch), but it’s pretty funny.
Her babbling and creaky singing continue.
Her eyes were blue when she was born, a much darker blue than her father's. At around three months, there was a ring of brown around the pupil, and we assumed they would eventually become completely brown. That hasn’t happened. Either they haven’t finished changing or she has hazel eyes. Sometimes her eyes look blue, brown, or green. In a way, this is the perfect combination. She has both of her parents’ eyes.
Thursday Humor
From The 10 Most Terrifyingly Inspirational '80s Songs by Robert Brockway about the song "Dead or Alive": "This song was written in that small window of the '80s when a blue collar steelworker from New Jersey with a terminal case of hockey hair could write songs about being a cowboy and be taken seriously. It was a very small window; it really only encased this one song."
Another great description, this one about "The Final Countdown": "The synthesizer riff in this 1986 track is as fist-pumping as music gets without involving an actual instrument. We're not clear on what he's counting down to, but somebody's about to get their ass kicked."
Read to see descriptions of the other '80s songs!
From The 10 Most Terrifyingly Inspirational '80s Songs by Robert Brockway about the song "Dead or Alive": "This song was written in that small window of the '80s when a blue collar steelworker from New Jersey with a terminal case of hockey hair could write songs about being a cowboy and be taken seriously. It was a very small window; it really only encased this one song."
Another great description, this one about "The Final Countdown": "The synthesizer riff in this 1986 track is as fist-pumping as music gets without involving an actual instrument. We're not clear on what he's counting down to, but somebody's about to get their ass kicked."
Read to see descriptions of the other '80s songs!
Wednesday
Our Hood
A week or two ago, I mentioned that I have mixed feelings about our neighborhood. Just this past weekend, Nate said how cool it would be to raise Zoe here. This week, two people ended a police chase by driving a carjacked truck into our neighbor's house. Generally, this is how things go. We start to get comfortable and then some other weird thing happens. I'm not even that freaked out about it, which is maybe a sign of numbness at the various shenanigans we've witnessed.
The funniest part of this story is that I saw the police/news copter lights and heard all the sirens as I was trying to put Zoe down for the night. In a futile attempt to block out some noise, I played her waves CD. Can you picture me yelling to the cops/robbers outside: "Can you hold it down out there? I'm trying to put my baby to sleep!"
A week or two ago, I mentioned that I have mixed feelings about our neighborhood. Just this past weekend, Nate said how cool it would be to raise Zoe here. This week, two people ended a police chase by driving a carjacked truck into our neighbor's house. Generally, this is how things go. We start to get comfortable and then some other weird thing happens. I'm not even that freaked out about it, which is maybe a sign of numbness at the various shenanigans we've witnessed.
The funniest part of this story is that I saw the police/news copter lights and heard all the sirens as I was trying to put Zoe down for the night. In a futile attempt to block out some noise, I played her waves CD. Can you picture me yelling to the cops/robbers outside: "Can you hold it down out there? I'm trying to put my baby to sleep!"
Thursday
Mystery Solved
Well I feel like a complete dumbass writing about this the day after I posted a tearjerker about the war and life and death. But that's what blogs are for, right? The mundane punctuated by occasional emotional depth. This post is of the mundane variety.
This morning I found the ring I lost. Last week, I was really sleep deprived (Zoe was sick and waking often) and I had a dream about an old friend who was admiring one of my rings--a sterling silver spiral. That morning after my shower, I noticed it was gone. I looked in the bed, in the shower, all over and couldn't find it. Part of me was a bit freaked out because I seriously wondered, did I swallow it? Or did I take it off in my sleep to "show" it to him and then tossed it somewhere? It was a little unnerving. This morning as I was scooping some lotion out of its container, I found my ring in there! It must have slipped off while I was gooping myself after the shower.
Another follow-up: a month or so ago I wrote about eating at Urban Taco and how awesome the food and margaritas were. I went back last night and was a little disappointed. Both times I had the margarita de oro. The first time, it was incredible. Seriously among the best margaritas I'd had in Dallas. It had some orange juice and Cointreau and instead of regular salt they used a cayenne salt around the rim, which gave the drink an amazing blend of sweet, sour, and spicy. I'm still thinking about that damn 'rita! I ordered the same thing again last night, and sadly, it wasn't nearly so good. They gave me a more or less standard rita. I'm not sure if they used fresh lime juice the first time and sweet and sour mix the second, or not as much OJ, and they were out of that special cayenne salt thing, but the experience was a bit of a letdown. Also, the tiny tacos were perfect on a Sunday afternoon between meals. On a Wednesday night, the small portions weren't quite enough for a full dinner. And my rice was a bit overcooked this time. Alas, maybe it was an off night. I think I'll give them another chance, but I might have to go back to La Duni for my awesome margarita fix.
Well I feel like a complete dumbass writing about this the day after I posted a tearjerker about the war and life and death. But that's what blogs are for, right? The mundane punctuated by occasional emotional depth. This post is of the mundane variety.
This morning I found the ring I lost. Last week, I was really sleep deprived (Zoe was sick and waking often) and I had a dream about an old friend who was admiring one of my rings--a sterling silver spiral. That morning after my shower, I noticed it was gone. I looked in the bed, in the shower, all over and couldn't find it. Part of me was a bit freaked out because I seriously wondered, did I swallow it? Or did I take it off in my sleep to "show" it to him and then tossed it somewhere? It was a little unnerving. This morning as I was scooping some lotion out of its container, I found my ring in there! It must have slipped off while I was gooping myself after the shower.
Another follow-up: a month or so ago I wrote about eating at Urban Taco and how awesome the food and margaritas were. I went back last night and was a little disappointed. Both times I had the margarita de oro. The first time, it was incredible. Seriously among the best margaritas I'd had in Dallas. It had some orange juice and Cointreau and instead of regular salt they used a cayenne salt around the rim, which gave the drink an amazing blend of sweet, sour, and spicy. I'm still thinking about that damn 'rita! I ordered the same thing again last night, and sadly, it wasn't nearly so good. They gave me a more or less standard rita. I'm not sure if they used fresh lime juice the first time and sweet and sour mix the second, or not as much OJ, and they were out of that special cayenne salt thing, but the experience was a bit of a letdown. Also, the tiny tacos were perfect on a Sunday afternoon between meals. On a Wednesday night, the small portions weren't quite enough for a full dinner. And my rice was a bit overcooked this time. Alas, maybe it was an off night. I think I'll give them another chance, but I might have to go back to La Duni for my awesome margarita fix.
Wednesday
The power of words
This is a really heartbreaking piece by Christopher Hitchens. He learns his writing inspired a 21-year-old to enlist for Iraq; the soldier dies while serving. Hitchens writes about his growing disenchantment with the war and how he felt when he heard his words had such a huge impact on a young person's life.
This is a really heartbreaking piece by Christopher Hitchens. He learns his writing inspired a 21-year-old to enlist for Iraq; the soldier dies while serving. Hitchens writes about his growing disenchantment with the war and how he felt when he heard his words had such a huge impact on a young person's life.
Tuesday
Setting Myself Up
I know this is such a stupid thing to say, because as soon as I write this down I will jinx it all. But ... for the past five nights or so, Zoe has slept through the night. From 8 p.m. or so until 6 a.m. or so. And until we hit the six-month sleep regression, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of those few extra ZZZZs.
I know this is such a stupid thing to say, because as soon as I write this down I will jinx it all. But ... for the past five nights or so, Zoe has slept through the night. From 8 p.m. or so until 6 a.m. or so. And until we hit the six-month sleep regression, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of those few extra ZZZZs.
Thursday
A sick bug
Zoe's been sick since Sunday and Nate and I have traded taking off days from work this week. We are all a little sleep deprived, particularly Zoe. But I'm showing signs, too. I went to bed with three rings on and woke up with two. In a dream, someone asked to see one of my rings and I remember holding out my hand to show it to him. That ring is the one that's missing this morning. I'm wondering if I took it off in my sleep.
I'm also feeling much more like a mother these days. I guess cupping your hand under a little person's mouth to catch vomit without even thinking about it does that to a person.
Zoe's been sick since Sunday and Nate and I have traded taking off days from work this week. We are all a little sleep deprived, particularly Zoe. But I'm showing signs, too. I went to bed with three rings on and woke up with two. In a dream, someone asked to see one of my rings and I remember holding out my hand to show it to him. That ring is the one that's missing this morning. I'm wondering if I took it off in my sleep.
I'm also feeling much more like a mother these days. I guess cupping your hand under a little person's mouth to catch vomit without even thinking about it does that to a person.
Tuesday
Literary Enema
I am almost done with the latest novel draft, but put it aside for this week because I have a freelance jobbie due on Friday. After I turn that in, I'll get back to work and it shouldn't take me long to finish. I find myself itching to start other projects. I've written a few short snatches of prose for some novella ideas I have and I even shocked myself by writing a poem. I'm an atrocious poet, but I think my brain is just so happy to have something else to think about it's having a little fun.
I am almost done with the latest novel draft, but put it aside for this week because I have a freelance jobbie due on Friday. After I turn that in, I'll get back to work and it shouldn't take me long to finish. I find myself itching to start other projects. I've written a few short snatches of prose for some novella ideas I have and I even shocked myself by writing a poem. I'm an atrocious poet, but I think my brain is just so happy to have something else to think about it's having a little fun.
Friday
In the Neighborhood
We live in a cute, formerly more scary, slightly improving but still occasionally sketchy neighborhood. None of this was apparent on first glance. We drove through the 'hood with our realtor and liked what we saw. Most of the houses were built in the '60s (ours was built in '61), with one section of newer houses from the '80s. Many of our neighbors are the original owners and slowly the neighborhood is changing as people (ugh, I hate to say this) die or move to nursing homes. The neighborhood is gradually becoming younger.
Houses are generally well-maintained, people are very friendly, and overall it's a great place to live. But we border a not-so-great area on one side; there are two great areas on another. So things are interesting and we hear our share of gun fire. A few other odd incidents have happened as well, including waking up one morning around four a.m. to a woman screaming bloody murder as she walked down the street (she was totally alone), and, on another night, hearing two people argue over a knife after they had crashed their car. Did I mention this was in our front yard? Anyway, I've freaked out on occasion, but there are some good things happening, too.
Our area has received some money to begin improvements on the two roads that make up the nearest major intersection near our house. We've heard the plans and I think the improvements are going to make a big difference. It'll be right purty.
There are some new town homes being built, which, while ugly, may help improve the quality of the stores in the shopping center near our home because there will be more customers.
One of those flagship Whole Foods stores is going to be built in Lakewood, about a ten-minute drive away.
Our neighborhood also got bond money passed for both a library (which might be within walking distance!) and a rec center. Right now the hold up is whether to build them in the same facility, or build two.
They're eventually going to build a veloway nearby as well.
So, there are some positive developments on the horizon, some that will make living in our area nicer.
We live in a cute, formerly more scary, slightly improving but still occasionally sketchy neighborhood. None of this was apparent on first glance. We drove through the 'hood with our realtor and liked what we saw. Most of the houses were built in the '60s (ours was built in '61), with one section of newer houses from the '80s. Many of our neighbors are the original owners and slowly the neighborhood is changing as people (ugh, I hate to say this) die or move to nursing homes. The neighborhood is gradually becoming younger.
Houses are generally well-maintained, people are very friendly, and overall it's a great place to live. But we border a not-so-great area on one side; there are two great areas on another. So things are interesting and we hear our share of gun fire. A few other odd incidents have happened as well, including waking up one morning around four a.m. to a woman screaming bloody murder as she walked down the street (she was totally alone), and, on another night, hearing two people argue over a knife after they had crashed their car. Did I mention this was in our front yard? Anyway, I've freaked out on occasion, but there are some good things happening, too.
Our area has received some money to begin improvements on the two roads that make up the nearest major intersection near our house. We've heard the plans and I think the improvements are going to make a big difference. It'll be right purty.
There are some new town homes being built, which, while ugly, may help improve the quality of the stores in the shopping center near our home because there will be more customers.
One of those flagship Whole Foods stores is going to be built in Lakewood, about a ten-minute drive away.
Our neighborhood also got bond money passed for both a library (which might be within walking distance!) and a rec center. Right now the hold up is whether to build them in the same facility, or build two.
They're eventually going to build a veloway nearby as well.
So, there are some positive developments on the horizon, some that will make living in our area nicer.
Wednesday
Treading Water
Lately, it seems like I’m working hard but not really getting anywhere. I don’t feel much forward momentum. When you have an infant, you have a lot more chores-y type things to do, but rather than resulting in a clean house, folded laundry, etc. you are barely keeping it together. This isn’t a complaint; it’s an observation. We tend to have clean clothes, a clean floor, hot food, and clean bathrooms, but not all at the same time. That’s just the way it is during this phase of life.
Unfortunately, I sort of feel that way in all areas of my life right now. Maybe that’s also to be expected at this stage. I still haven’t figured out how to work out regularly. Right now, my schedule is, wake up around 6:30-7, get ready, work from 8:30-5, get home around 5:30-6, hang out with Z for half an hour, give her a bath, put her to bed, eat dinner, watch an hour of TV or read or hang out with Nate, go to bed. Wake up 1-2 times during the night to feed the Z-monster. Repeat. I take random walks here and there, and try to go to yoga during my lunch hour once or twice a week. I feel soooo much better when I have a regular workout schedule but right now that regularity is eluding me.
I think I could be more vigilant about working out, but I am trying to finish revising the novel. So if I do motivate at night, it’s to read and revise. I think I mentioned I’d cut 110 pages of the 150 an agent had recommended. I’ve now figured out how to lose the final 40 pages, by cutting five chapters. I’m fine with losing two of the chapters. Two others are breaking my heart a little (funny thing is, I don’t need them for the storyline, per se, which maybe means they can go, but they are great “extras” and contain some of my favorite writing), and one chapter I could go either way on. So … I’m finishing this read as I debate those cuts. Then I have to enter in the changes and I’ll be done with this draft and ready to send out again.
This stage is hard. Maybe it’s time to “murder my darlings.” Or maybe that little voice saying, “no, don’t kill me” should be listened to. Not sure. So I wait. I have a few days to decide, anyway. And, worst-case scenario, I can have the leaner, meaner version, and another version with the two or three chapters restored.
The hardest thing of all is that I’m starting to wonder if this has been my “learning novel” and perhaps isn’t strong enough to see the light of publication. I’m entering that “I’m done” stage where I just don’t feel like looking at it anymore. I’m on draft 9, by the way. Miss Snark once said: “Finish your novel. Then, as you let it sit and percolate (cause you DO NOT SEND IT OUT before you've let it sit and percolate) you can work on short stories. Then when you've done all ten drafts of the novel that you need to do (no, I'm not kidding), you query.” So maybe I’m close, right? Either way, I’m going to start working on my novella ideas soon. I need the fresh story lines because right now I feel like a dog with a dead chicken tied around my neck. A not very fresh chicken.
But, as I whine and moan, Zoe is great. Last night as we were playing, she rolled over a couple of times. She can sit for short periods by herself, unsupported. She has a hilarious giggle and is starting to enjoy peek-a-boo games and tickling. She recognizes and smiles at the dog. She’s also started to grab things out of my hands. And after a few hard weeks of a sleep regression, we seem to be coming out on the other side. For the past two nights, she’s woken up only once to eat, then gotten up around 6:30 for the day. I hope this continues because that means eventually she will not be waking up to eat during the night at all (please, I can dream).
We had a friend visit for the weekend and he said something funny. We were suctioning her stuffy nose so she could breathe better and Z was complaining about it. “I hadn’t heard her cry until you stuck something up her nose,” he said. She’s in a pretty good mood most of the time, and she laughs and smiles like it’s a party every day. So I think I’ll make like Z and have a good time until this draft is behind me. It’s pretty close.
Lately, it seems like I’m working hard but not really getting anywhere. I don’t feel much forward momentum. When you have an infant, you have a lot more chores-y type things to do, but rather than resulting in a clean house, folded laundry, etc. you are barely keeping it together. This isn’t a complaint; it’s an observation. We tend to have clean clothes, a clean floor, hot food, and clean bathrooms, but not all at the same time. That’s just the way it is during this phase of life.
Unfortunately, I sort of feel that way in all areas of my life right now. Maybe that’s also to be expected at this stage. I still haven’t figured out how to work out regularly. Right now, my schedule is, wake up around 6:30-7, get ready, work from 8:30-5, get home around 5:30-6, hang out with Z for half an hour, give her a bath, put her to bed, eat dinner, watch an hour of TV or read or hang out with Nate, go to bed. Wake up 1-2 times during the night to feed the Z-monster. Repeat. I take random walks here and there, and try to go to yoga during my lunch hour once or twice a week. I feel soooo much better when I have a regular workout schedule but right now that regularity is eluding me.
I think I could be more vigilant about working out, but I am trying to finish revising the novel. So if I do motivate at night, it’s to read and revise. I think I mentioned I’d cut 110 pages of the 150 an agent had recommended. I’ve now figured out how to lose the final 40 pages, by cutting five chapters. I’m fine with losing two of the chapters. Two others are breaking my heart a little (funny thing is, I don’t need them for the storyline, per se, which maybe means they can go, but they are great “extras” and contain some of my favorite writing), and one chapter I could go either way on. So … I’m finishing this read as I debate those cuts. Then I have to enter in the changes and I’ll be done with this draft and ready to send out again.
This stage is hard. Maybe it’s time to “murder my darlings.” Or maybe that little voice saying, “no, don’t kill me” should be listened to. Not sure. So I wait. I have a few days to decide, anyway. And, worst-case scenario, I can have the leaner, meaner version, and another version with the two or three chapters restored.
The hardest thing of all is that I’m starting to wonder if this has been my “learning novel” and perhaps isn’t strong enough to see the light of publication. I’m entering that “I’m done” stage where I just don’t feel like looking at it anymore. I’m on draft 9, by the way. Miss Snark once said: “Finish your novel. Then, as you let it sit and percolate (cause you DO NOT SEND IT OUT before you've let it sit and percolate) you can work on short stories. Then when you've done all ten drafts of the novel that you need to do (no, I'm not kidding), you query.” So maybe I’m close, right? Either way, I’m going to start working on my novella ideas soon. I need the fresh story lines because right now I feel like a dog with a dead chicken tied around my neck. A not very fresh chicken.
But, as I whine and moan, Zoe is great. Last night as we were playing, she rolled over a couple of times. She can sit for short periods by herself, unsupported. She has a hilarious giggle and is starting to enjoy peek-a-boo games and tickling. She recognizes and smiles at the dog. She’s also started to grab things out of my hands. And after a few hard weeks of a sleep regression, we seem to be coming out on the other side. For the past two nights, she’s woken up only once to eat, then gotten up around 6:30 for the day. I hope this continues because that means eventually she will not be waking up to eat during the night at all (please, I can dream).
We had a friend visit for the weekend and he said something funny. We were suctioning her stuffy nose so she could breathe better and Z was complaining about it. “I hadn’t heard her cry until you stuck something up her nose,” he said. She’s in a pretty good mood most of the time, and she laughs and smiles like it’s a party every day. So I think I’ll make like Z and have a good time until this draft is behind me. It’s pretty close.
Tuesday
Doh
Lately, Zoe had been doing really well with the sleeping thing. Over the weekend we had some setbacks, which I chalked up to doing a lot of socializing (new people and places seem to throw off her schedule a bit) and also to a possible sleep regression.
She's been really squirmy lately, way more than usual. For the first time I was afraid I might drop her if she bucked while I wasn't paying attention. I'd noticed that she was doing this weird chomping thing on her pacifier (not on me, thankfully) and also chewing on her hands a lot. She was also doing a very odd motion with her jaw. I pointed these things out to Nate on Sunday and then lalalalalala, went on about my day.
Yesterday the nice ladies at daycare told Nate that Zoe is teething. Ahhhh, that's why she isn't sleeping, is acting a little fussy, and doing all those weird things with her mouth. It's not like these babies come with a handbook. Oh wait, yes, they do and I have one. Another slow lap on the parenting learning curve.
Lately, Zoe had been doing really well with the sleeping thing. Over the weekend we had some setbacks, which I chalked up to doing a lot of socializing (new people and places seem to throw off her schedule a bit) and also to a possible sleep regression.
She's been really squirmy lately, way more than usual. For the first time I was afraid I might drop her if she bucked while I wasn't paying attention. I'd noticed that she was doing this weird chomping thing on her pacifier (not on me, thankfully) and also chewing on her hands a lot. She was also doing a very odd motion with her jaw. I pointed these things out to Nate on Sunday and then lalalalalala, went on about my day.
Yesterday the nice ladies at daycare told Nate that Zoe is teething. Ahhhh, that's why she isn't sleeping, is acting a little fussy, and doing all those weird things with her mouth. It's not like these babies come with a handbook. Oh wait, yes, they do and I have one. Another slow lap on the parenting learning curve.
Monday
I wonder what a suburban taco is like ...
On Sunday afternoon, we felt like getting out of the house for a little while. Zoe had had a longish nap and was cheerful, so we decided to go for it. It was pretty nice out, and I wanted to sit on a patio. We threw around several suggestions and couldn’t decide among our old standbys so we decided to go to Mockingbird Station and pick a place once we got there. We walked around and window-shopped for a while, then we people-watched all the pretty hipster types.
We walked by Urban Taco and four people sitting outside encouraged us to try it. “It’s really good,” they said, and since they were just about finished with their food, we decided to trust them. Man, I’m glad we did. The food was excellent. Taqueria fare, but slightly upscale, really great combinations and flavors. I also had a margarita, probably the best I’ve had in Dallas to date. And Zoe was in a good mood, too, so we all had fun.
Vote Early and Often
I still get emails from my old school and MFA program. The latest one I got cracked me up because it said, "In the Chicago tradition, VOTE EARLY & OFTEN!" You've got to love a city that embraces its reputation for corruption.
But this is actually for a great cause. American Express is donating $1 million dollars to one of 25 landmarks in Chicago for preservation. And while there are many worthy contenders, the Roger Brown Study Collection is near and dear to my heart. Roger Brown was an artist who attended the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He later donated his home and his private collection to the school. Students still hold exhibitions and readings in this space, and his collection is really incredible. It's a great peak into the mind of an artist, to see where he lived and worked and what he collected.
It's really easy to vote, early and often, if you're so inclined.
I still get emails from my old school and MFA program. The latest one I got cracked me up because it said, "In the Chicago tradition, VOTE EARLY & OFTEN!" You've got to love a city that embraces its reputation for corruption.
But this is actually for a great cause. American Express is donating $1 million dollars to one of 25 landmarks in Chicago for preservation. And while there are many worthy contenders, the Roger Brown Study Collection is near and dear to my heart. Roger Brown was an artist who attended the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. He later donated his home and his private collection to the school. Students still hold exhibitions and readings in this space, and his collection is really incredible. It's a great peak into the mind of an artist, to see where he lived and worked and what he collected.
It's really easy to vote, early and often, if you're so inclined.
Wednesday
Moments in Marriage/Parenthood
I've been taking Fenugreek, which helps some women boost their breast milk supply. Fenugreek is also used in Indian cooking. Supposedly, it can make your pee smell like maple syrup. Last night just after I finished using the facilities, Nate walked into the bathroom and said, "Why does it smell like curry?" So I guess in my case it smells like Indian food.
I've been taking Fenugreek, which helps some women boost their breast milk supply. Fenugreek is also used in Indian cooking. Supposedly, it can make your pee smell like maple syrup. Last night just after I finished using the facilities, Nate walked into the bathroom and said, "Why does it smell like curry?" So I guess in my case it smells like Indian food.
Tuesday
The Best Sound
Yesterday I heard Zoe laugh for the first time. Actually, I heard her laugh as a newborn but always in her sleep. I think that was a physiological thing, like "sleep grins." But last night she was laughing in response to a toy and it was a great moment in her list of firsts. I can't wait to hear what her voice sounds like.
Yesterday I heard Zoe laugh for the first time. Actually, I heard her laugh as a newborn but always in her sleep. I think that was a physiological thing, like "sleep grins." But last night she was laughing in response to a toy and it was a great moment in her list of firsts. I can't wait to hear what her voice sounds like.
Friday
Self-Censorship and Zoe (Finally) Sleeps
I’ve just deleted my previous two posts because I found them whiny and depressing. I’ve been venting about a few things that are beyond my control. Since I can’t change them, I think I should focus on the things I can change and I think I’ll feel better. I suspect part of my moodiness is hormonal. Supposedly, three-four months post-baby, moms go through a hormonal readjustment. I’ve been a little blue lately. It’s sort of like mid-grade PMS. I’m going to wait a couple of weeks and see if that improves. But I haven’t been doing the things that always help me feel better, writing and exercising, and that’s something I can work on.
So, onto Zoe and her sleeping schedule, which I know will interest only her grandmother(s) and possibly other parents. I’ve mentioned before that Z. is not a typical napper. For the first month of her life, she wouldn’t sleep unless someone was holding her. That improved over time, but she never napped long while I was home with her, maybe 30-45 minutes. When Nate took care of her for the couple of weeks before daycare started, she would nap an hour-two hours with him sometimes. I suspect the difference was breastfeeding versus bottles. She would eat a little here and there with me, but with the bottles, she would chug and then pass out for those longer naps.
She’s always slept with us. She wouldn’t sleep in her crib. The second we’d try to set her down in her crib/bassinet, she’d wake up. She’d be fine for a few minutes, then once she got bored, she’d start crying, which would escalate to screaming/her hair getting wet with sweat/and her sometimes getting so worked up she'd puke. So the whole cry-it-out method didn’t really work with her. I found the online advice column Ask Moxie through myrubberbandball and her advice has been a huge help. A few nuggets of wisdom:
“First of all, kids sleep the way they sleep. Most of it is individual personality. I thought that when I only had one kid, but now that I have two, I'm absolutely sure it's the case. There's only so much a parent can do to influence the way a baby or child sleeps, so you can stop feeling either guilty or smug right now.”
And:
“Whatever gets the maximum number of hours of sleep for the maximum number of people in your household, that's what you should do. And when anyone asks you how your baby's sleeping, just lie and say everything's great.”
This is all from this entry: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2005/12/quick_and_dirty.html
Here’s another excellent quote:
“I don't think sleep is a ‘somewhat minor issue’ at all. I think sleep is a major major (did I say ‘major’ yet?) issue, and is the thing that causes parents the most stress (aside from serious or chronic illness in their children). Someone once mentioned to me that she thought sleep was The Issue for our generation of parents, the way feeding was in the 80s (when breastfeeding started to come back), and the way toilet training was in the 40s. I don't know why this is, but I agree. Maybe we have so many more issues with sleep because our kids don't sleep on their stomachs anymore? Who knows. But I do know it makes most of us feel completely, worthlessly incompetent at worst and totally fried at best.”
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2005/12/qa_nighttime_sl.html
So, all this is to say, sleep is the main thing that stresses me out with Zoe. We’ve had some minor issues here and there with breastfeeding, but they’re usually short-lived, probably because I got some great support early on. But sleep? For some reason I never expected sleep to be such a big deal. It is.
This week has been interesting. She’s been sleeping in a crib at daycare because that is the only option. And at home, I’ve suspected she was probably ready to sleep in her crib for a couple of weeks. Like I said before, she used to only sleep if I held her, with one arm either around or under her. But lately, she’d nurse, then begin pushing/twisting away from me after she was asleep, very clearly wanting her own space. I thought she was ready, but we didn’t want to try the crib thing right before she started daycare because if it didn’t work we didn’t want her to be exhausted going into a new situation.
But this past week, I just felt like she was ready. For the past few nights, she’s fallen asleep around 7:15-7:30 p.m. Half an hour or so later, she wakes up fussing. She either needs a pacifier or to eat a little bit more. She doesn’t fully wake up if I get to her fast enough and she’ll nurse or suck on the paci for about ten minutes. Then she is out. I put her in her crib. No crying, no screaming, no puking. She’s asleep until midnight or four, when she eats again. Sometimes she wakes up twice a night, sometimes only one. She eats, falls asleep again, and I put her back in her crib. She wakes up for good around 6:30-7:30 a.m.
I’m no longer listening to the “experts.” That whole put them down drowsy but awake? I get the principle but so far it hasn’t worked for us. At all. I think eventually she will get old enough and her habits will be established, her body will be more developmentally mature, and then we might be able to do the drowsy but awake thing. Maybe not. Who knows? I hear teething is a real pain in the ass with the nighttime schedule, but this week has been a good one for sleeping.
I’ve just deleted my previous two posts because I found them whiny and depressing. I’ve been venting about a few things that are beyond my control. Since I can’t change them, I think I should focus on the things I can change and I think I’ll feel better. I suspect part of my moodiness is hormonal. Supposedly, three-four months post-baby, moms go through a hormonal readjustment. I’ve been a little blue lately. It’s sort of like mid-grade PMS. I’m going to wait a couple of weeks and see if that improves. But I haven’t been doing the things that always help me feel better, writing and exercising, and that’s something I can work on.
So, onto Zoe and her sleeping schedule, which I know will interest only her grandmother(s) and possibly other parents. I’ve mentioned before that Z. is not a typical napper. For the first month of her life, she wouldn’t sleep unless someone was holding her. That improved over time, but she never napped long while I was home with her, maybe 30-45 minutes. When Nate took care of her for the couple of weeks before daycare started, she would nap an hour-two hours with him sometimes. I suspect the difference was breastfeeding versus bottles. She would eat a little here and there with me, but with the bottles, she would chug and then pass out for those longer naps.
She’s always slept with us. She wouldn’t sleep in her crib. The second we’d try to set her down in her crib/bassinet, she’d wake up. She’d be fine for a few minutes, then once she got bored, she’d start crying, which would escalate to screaming/her hair getting wet with sweat/and her sometimes getting so worked up she'd puke. So the whole cry-it-out method didn’t really work with her. I found the online advice column Ask Moxie through myrubberbandball and her advice has been a huge help. A few nuggets of wisdom:
“First of all, kids sleep the way they sleep. Most of it is individual personality. I thought that when I only had one kid, but now that I have two, I'm absolutely sure it's the case. There's only so much a parent can do to influence the way a baby or child sleeps, so you can stop feeling either guilty or smug right now.”
And:
“Whatever gets the maximum number of hours of sleep for the maximum number of people in your household, that's what you should do. And when anyone asks you how your baby's sleeping, just lie and say everything's great.”
This is all from this entry: http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2005/12/quick_and_dirty.html
Here’s another excellent quote:
“I don't think sleep is a ‘somewhat minor issue’ at all. I think sleep is a major major (did I say ‘major’ yet?) issue, and is the thing that causes parents the most stress (aside from serious or chronic illness in their children). Someone once mentioned to me that she thought sleep was The Issue for our generation of parents, the way feeding was in the 80s (when breastfeeding started to come back), and the way toilet training was in the 40s. I don't know why this is, but I agree. Maybe we have so many more issues with sleep because our kids don't sleep on their stomachs anymore? Who knows. But I do know it makes most of us feel completely, worthlessly incompetent at worst and totally fried at best.”
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2005/12/qa_nighttime_sl.html
So, all this is to say, sleep is the main thing that stresses me out with Zoe. We’ve had some minor issues here and there with breastfeeding, but they’re usually short-lived, probably because I got some great support early on. But sleep? For some reason I never expected sleep to be such a big deal. It is.
This week has been interesting. She’s been sleeping in a crib at daycare because that is the only option. And at home, I’ve suspected she was probably ready to sleep in her crib for a couple of weeks. Like I said before, she used to only sleep if I held her, with one arm either around or under her. But lately, she’d nurse, then begin pushing/twisting away from me after she was asleep, very clearly wanting her own space. I thought she was ready, but we didn’t want to try the crib thing right before she started daycare because if it didn’t work we didn’t want her to be exhausted going into a new situation.
But this past week, I just felt like she was ready. For the past few nights, she’s fallen asleep around 7:15-7:30 p.m. Half an hour or so later, she wakes up fussing. She either needs a pacifier or to eat a little bit more. She doesn’t fully wake up if I get to her fast enough and she’ll nurse or suck on the paci for about ten minutes. Then she is out. I put her in her crib. No crying, no screaming, no puking. She’s asleep until midnight or four, when she eats again. Sometimes she wakes up twice a night, sometimes only one. She eats, falls asleep again, and I put her back in her crib. She wakes up for good around 6:30-7:30 a.m.
I’m no longer listening to the “experts.” That whole put them down drowsy but awake? I get the principle but so far it hasn’t worked for us. At all. I think eventually she will get old enough and her habits will be established, her body will be more developmentally mature, and then we might be able to do the drowsy but awake thing. Maybe not. Who knows? I hear teething is a real pain in the ass with the nighttime schedule, but this week has been a good one for sleeping.
Thursday
Why dads are sometimes smarter
I stayed at home with Zoe for three months. During that time, I realized she does not sleep like other babies. She is what is known as a "short napper." She doesn't nap very frequently, for very long, and she is the lightest sleeper I know with the possible exception of my mother. (Interesting side note: Why is it that the two people I've needed to sneak around in my life--my mother during high school and my daughter during her baby phase--seem to wake up the moment I try to walk out of the room?) All the stuff I read about how she should be napping this way or for this long ... does not apply to Zoe. She wakes up after a 30-45 minute nap cheerful and alert. Nowhere near the hour or two hour mythical naps I keep hearing about.
It took me three months of reading books and message boards and trying slings, swings, and everything else I could think of to figure out what it took Nate one day to realize: she doesn't adhere to the textbook sleep schedule. However, she usually wakes up smiling and happy, so she is probably fine. He said, once you stop having expectations about what "should" be happening, we both have a better day.
Mom: three months. Dad: one day.
On the parenthood learning curve, I think I just got lapped.
I stayed at home with Zoe for three months. During that time, I realized she does not sleep like other babies. She is what is known as a "short napper." She doesn't nap very frequently, for very long, and she is the lightest sleeper I know with the possible exception of my mother. (Interesting side note: Why is it that the two people I've needed to sneak around in my life--my mother during high school and my daughter during her baby phase--seem to wake up the moment I try to walk out of the room?) All the stuff I read about how she should be napping this way or for this long ... does not apply to Zoe. She wakes up after a 30-45 minute nap cheerful and alert. Nowhere near the hour or two hour mythical naps I keep hearing about.
It took me three months of reading books and message boards and trying slings, swings, and everything else I could think of to figure out what it took Nate one day to realize: she doesn't adhere to the textbook sleep schedule. However, she usually wakes up smiling and happy, so she is probably fine. He said, once you stop having expectations about what "should" be happening, we both have a better day.
Mom: three months. Dad: one day.
On the parenthood learning curve, I think I just got lapped.
Monday
This Week in Zoeland
I started work last week on Wednesday, so I was apart from her only three days. It’s amazing, but in that time there were changes. She has a little bouncy seat with three animals/rattles that hang in front of her. She is reaching out for things so much more (Nate managed to get a short video). What’s amazing is that while last week she was just starting to reach/bat at them, this morning I turned to see her hit all three of her little hanging friends in a row, Bam! Bam! Bam!
She’s also talking a lot more, doing her little baby-babble, which is pretty entertaining. Makes me wonder what she’s thinking about.
I also had a somewhat disturbing realization this weekend. I’ve joked with Nate that trying to tiptoe out of the room where Zoe is napping reminds me of trying to sneak out of your parents’ house when you were a teenager. So we sneak around now, but eventually she will try to sneak around us, and then the cycle will be complete. Unless she has children, of course. Then it starts all over again.
I started work last week on Wednesday, so I was apart from her only three days. It’s amazing, but in that time there were changes. She has a little bouncy seat with three animals/rattles that hang in front of her. She is reaching out for things so much more (Nate managed to get a short video). What’s amazing is that while last week she was just starting to reach/bat at them, this morning I turned to see her hit all three of her little hanging friends in a row, Bam! Bam! Bam!
She’s also talking a lot more, doing her little baby-babble, which is pretty entertaining. Makes me wonder what she’s thinking about.
I also had a somewhat disturbing realization this weekend. I’ve joked with Nate that trying to tiptoe out of the room where Zoe is napping reminds me of trying to sneak out of your parents’ house when you were a teenager. So we sneak around now, but eventually she will try to sneak around us, and then the cycle will be complete. Unless she has children, of course. Then it starts all over again.
Thursday
SophieI haven't written about Sophie before, partly because I felt she was more Nate's dog and partly because I've had a lot on my hands with Zoe. But I've been thinking of her and I wanted to write a few things about Miss Soph before too much time passes and I forget.
I met Sophie when Nate and I were just friends, before we dated. I always thought she was a very good dog. Then Nate and I became an item and one day I told Nate I wanted to take her for a walk. We lived in Austin at the time and I took Sophie to the hike and bike trail. What a Mistake (capitalization intentional). She lunged and barked at every dog. Each time I saw the hint of fur on the trail, I tensed because Sophie, normally sweet as pie, became a snarling, growling, barking beast who would use her weight and leverage to throw me off balance. That walk was awful and I learned my lesson. Of course, she always listened to Nate on walks, much more than she did to me or anyone else.
Then Sophie and Nate moved to Chicago. Eventually I moved there too and Sophie and I became roommates. I used to joke with Nate that Sophie must have been some awful person to him in a past life, maybe a cheating wife or girlfriend, who was reborn to totally adore him this time around. There were times when she would rest her head on my leg or hip and I would think, awww, she likes me, and then I would realize that no, she was simply using part of my body to get a better look at Nate.
But as she and I spent more time together, we developed our own relationship. She would always come hang out with me while I was writing or doing my freelance work, and I think she came to love me, though of course I would never eclipse Nate in her eyes.There was one night in Chicago when Sophie was about seven years old and Nate and I were engaged. It was a gorgeous, crisp autumn night. A few friends had come over for dinner and we'd had a wonderful evening of conversation with good people, drinking red wine, and eating warm stew with fresh bread. I was in grad school studying a topic near and dear to my heart. I was writing. Nate and I were very in love and planning our wedding. We'd built a life together and saw that things were only going to get better in our future. When our friends left, I started crying. While I could easily blame a little too much wine, I explained to Nate that I was crying because I knew that things would change. That the night we'd just had had been a pinnacle of that particular stage in our lives: Chicago, grad school, those friends at that time, that apartment and the home we made there, our lovely pets, our feelings for each other ... but everything would change. And then I blurted out, "Sophie and Roscoe will die." I bawled my eyes out. And as strange as it sounds, I think I mourned Sophie that night, because I knew she had become entwined in my life and I knew that she would leave it. As a friend of mine said, any relationship with a pet in your life is a contract with sadness because you will almost surely outlive your friend.
Then we moved to Dallas. We adopted another dog and Sophie began the long, arduous process of trying to explain life to Walker (he's pretty but he sure ain't bright). As Sophie got older, she got a little frailer. She was easier to handle on a leash, because she didn't have the strength she'd had before or the interest in challenging other dogs. She got a little mellower. And even though I always knew that Nate was tops in her eyes, it got to where if Nate was in one room and I was in another, she would usually come hang out with me.
You see, Sophie had a good girl complex. She wanted to please, and there was no one she wanted to please more than Nate. So if he happened to sigh, or say a curse word while playing a video game, or seemed at all unsatisfied with something, it would totally stress Sophie out. I think it was because she assumed she'd done something wrong to upset her main man. But with me, she could just hang out since she didn't really care what I thought.
Over the past year or so, she really slowed down. She'd begun to have problems with incontinence while she slept. We got a prescription for that, but then she began to have other problems as well. Unfortunately, things were getting worse for her as I was entering my later stages of pregnancy. I'll always remember her hanging around while I was in labor. Sometimes my breathing and moaning and cursing freaked her out to the point where she had to leave the room, but she always came back.
After I had Zoe, we came home and Sophie immediately took a turn for the worse. She couldn't poo or pee, and she lost interest in eating. The last night of her life she spent outside (which she'd never done before) because she was obviously so uncomfortable. She kept feeling the need to relieve herself, but she just couldn't, and because she was such a good girl, she refused to come inside because she was afraid she'd have an accident. Her last morning I woke up after a night of very little sleep. Zoe was only days old and I'd been up all night nursing a baby who didn't seem to want to go down for even a nap. I saw Sophie outside and she was finally asleep after a night of walking from the patio to the grass, trying to pee and failing, and then wandering back to the patio. I thought: I should go pet her. But she was finally resting after a rough night and I'd had a rough night myself, so I didn't. I slept. Nate took Sophie to the vet later that day and the situation was bad enough that they decided to put her to sleep then.
I never got to say goodbye to her. When Nate came home and told me and my mom he'd had to put Sophie down, I cried. Mostly I cried for Nate, because she'd been his friend and companion for 11 years and she was his girl. I cried because I knew she'd been in a lot of discomfort those last few days and weeks. And man, I cried because I wished I'd made a little extra effort and gone ahead and walked outside to pet her that last morning.After she was gone, I would often think (in my sleep-deprived/new parent phase) I'd see her curled up in one of her normal places, and then remember she was gone. That's gradually faded away over time, except that earlier this week I thought I saw her in our bedroom and last night I dreamt of her. And I started thinking that my life, in a way, got put on pause when I had Zoe because my time and attention very naturally had to be focused on my baby. But as we're growing and developing and I'm resuming my "normal" life with work and other things, I realized why I was thinking of Sophie more. She was part of my old life and as I go back to that life in work and routine, she is one element that is missing. And maybe I didn't have the time or energy to think about this too much before, but I miss her. I miss that damn dog. Even though she was always more Nate's, she came to be mine, too.
Love you, Soph. I'll try to take good care of your Nate.
Monday
So I go back to work the day after tomorrow and for me it feels like the first day of school. I'm excited but also bummed that summer is over. I'm also worried about what I'm going to wear. I'm 11 pounds heavier than I was pre-Zoe, so I can wear most of my clothes but some are a bit tight. I took a quick trip to Old Navy to get some transitional clothing. Also, since I have the life-sustaining milk, many of my old shirts are too tight.
And, of course, I am totally freaked out at the thought of other people taking care of my baby, which I hadn't anticipated feeling. Logically, I know we picked a good place and they'll take good care of her, but I'm going to miss her.
I'm also a little freaked out about pumping. I work in a cubicle situation and there is no private room for me to use. I'll be pumping in the server room, which part of me finds amusing. The other part of me wonders if I can make this work. We'll see. I'll do the best I can but I'm not going to drive myself crazy.
In Zoe news, she's been standing (with support, obviously)for about four weeks now. She can also sit by herself with support. She's responding to us a lot more--smiles, coos, and gurgles. For a while I thought her eyes were going brown but this week they seem very blue and at times they've looked gray, so who the hell knows? Her hair is part mohawk and part superman-curl-on-the-forehead.
I know both of us will get used to being apart during the day, but right now I'm pretty bummed about it. I don't think I understood that after I had Zoe that I would be completely and utterly infatuated with this tiny person and her hair curls.
And, of course, I am totally freaked out at the thought of other people taking care of my baby, which I hadn't anticipated feeling. Logically, I know we picked a good place and they'll take good care of her, but I'm going to miss her.
I'm also a little freaked out about pumping. I work in a cubicle situation and there is no private room for me to use. I'll be pumping in the server room, which part of me finds amusing. The other part of me wonders if I can make this work. We'll see. I'll do the best I can but I'm not going to drive myself crazy.
In Zoe news, she's been standing (with support, obviously)for about four weeks now. She can also sit by herself with support. She's responding to us a lot more--smiles, coos, and gurgles. For a while I thought her eyes were going brown but this week they seem very blue and at times they've looked gray, so who the hell knows? Her hair is part mohawk and part superman-curl-on-the-forehead.
I know both of us will get used to being apart during the day, but right now I'm pretty bummed about it. I don't think I understood that after I had Zoe that I would be completely and utterly infatuated with this tiny person and her hair curls.
Friday
Tuesday
Napping, a Beautiful Thing
Well I haven't written much for a couple of reasons. I've started doing freelance work again, which I work on while Zoe is napping, and I finished another draft of the novel. I cut a little more than 100 pages of the 150 the agent asked for. So I'm about to read it again and see if I can shave any more off. The first time I cut a lot of dead weight. This time I suspect the cuts will be harder, if I make any more at all. I'm only going to lose the things that I don't think will take away from the novel.
So freelance work and novel revising are what I do when Zoe is sleeping, which she did very little of last week. Supposedly at her age she should be sleeping about 15 hours a day. Babies are different, naturally, but that is a rough guide. Well, last week she hardly napped at all. Instead of 2-4 naps of an hour or two, she would take one or two naps of half an hour. She was a hot mess, and spent most of the day crying. We can decipher the meaning of some of her cries (when she's hungry, for instance, it sounds like "eh,") and her tired cry is very distinct. She would just wail away, obviously miserable. On the worst day, I saw her little swollen eyes and just felt so badly for her. But I did everything. Nursed, rocked, walked around with her in a sling, took her for a walk in the stroller. Everything that usually worked did not do a damn thing last week. Then, it was over. Starting this past Sunday or so, she just started napping again like normal and she is back to her sweet, happy self. You just never know what's going to happen in the wild and woolly world of newborns, I suppose.
My maternity leave is coming to an end. I'll be back at work in two weeks and I have very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to adult conversation and being out in the world again. On the other hand, the thought of leaving her with other people to care for her (though I know she'll be taken care of very well) just kills me. But, even if I could afford to stay home, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've enjoyed my time home with her but if this were a long-term thing, I think I'd go insane. I admire women who can do this but I think I'd become a total recluse (it's already happening) and not shower and who knows what else. I think I need more structure to my days to be content. But, as I said, I have mixed feelings about it all. Maybe working part time is the best of both worlds ...
Well I haven't written much for a couple of reasons. I've started doing freelance work again, which I work on while Zoe is napping, and I finished another draft of the novel. I cut a little more than 100 pages of the 150 the agent asked for. So I'm about to read it again and see if I can shave any more off. The first time I cut a lot of dead weight. This time I suspect the cuts will be harder, if I make any more at all. I'm only going to lose the things that I don't think will take away from the novel.
So freelance work and novel revising are what I do when Zoe is sleeping, which she did very little of last week. Supposedly at her age she should be sleeping about 15 hours a day. Babies are different, naturally, but that is a rough guide. Well, last week she hardly napped at all. Instead of 2-4 naps of an hour or two, she would take one or two naps of half an hour. She was a hot mess, and spent most of the day crying. We can decipher the meaning of some of her cries (when she's hungry, for instance, it sounds like "eh,") and her tired cry is very distinct. She would just wail away, obviously miserable. On the worst day, I saw her little swollen eyes and just felt so badly for her. But I did everything. Nursed, rocked, walked around with her in a sling, took her for a walk in the stroller. Everything that usually worked did not do a damn thing last week. Then, it was over. Starting this past Sunday or so, she just started napping again like normal and she is back to her sweet, happy self. You just never know what's going to happen in the wild and woolly world of newborns, I suppose.
My maternity leave is coming to an end. I'll be back at work in two weeks and I have very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to adult conversation and being out in the world again. On the other hand, the thought of leaving her with other people to care for her (though I know she'll be taken care of very well) just kills me. But, even if I could afford to stay home, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've enjoyed my time home with her but if this were a long-term thing, I think I'd go insane. I admire women who can do this but I think I'd become a total recluse (it's already happening) and not shower and who knows what else. I think I need more structure to my days to be content. But, as I said, I have mixed feelings about it all. Maybe working part time is the best of both worlds ...
Friday
Progress
We're making progress on several fronts. I have been revising the novel. I'm about halfway through a draft, though I might have to do another one or possibly two. An agent gave me good feedback about cutting some of the backstory and repetition. And while I think she is absolutely right (when your tangents have tangents you're probably going off course), I have been thinking about storytelling and American conventions.
Last week Nate and I watched the Spanish movie "Volver." Certain story lines pop up that are not resolved in a neat, Hollywood way, and some scenes would have been cut from an American movie because they showed an aspect of a character that didn't contribute to the overall plot. There were a lot of pieces that were allowed to flow and meander without trying to wrap them all up with a bow by the end. I think that's just a different story tradition that doesn't expect tidiness.
I have a novel that followed six people. Some of their individual stories didn't always have a ton to do with the overall plot. Part of me doesn't want to lose those aspects, even though I understand that to make the book more comercially appealing, it makes sense to have a "neater" book. These are things I've been debating as I cut and trim and lose entire chapters. It's possible I'm making the book better, in a way, but I also think that "better" is culturally determined (obviously).
In Zoe progress, she has been sleeping longer at night. Woohoo! The last week or so she's woken up 1-2 times to be fed and has slept in blocks of 4-5 hours. I feel much less like a zombie these days.
Nate posted some new videos and pictures. I think I mentioned before that she crosses her feet while nursing. She does it when her dad feeds her, too. And this is an older video, but it's amusing. At five weeks she kept trying to move off her mat. She's already outgrown the outfit she's wearing in that clip. Time does fly. She is starting to get some rolls of fat on her legs, which makes me happy. I love the chubba chubs on babies. More to love.
Speaking of chubba chubs, last week I had my six week check up. Things look good. I gained 44.5 pounds while I was el prego and I've lost 28 pounds without dieting or exercising beyond a few walks. However, my weight loss seems to have stopped, which means I probably need to stop eating ice cream and start working out regularly. I do miss working out, but I've had a hard time taking care of Zoe, revising, AND working out. I seem to be able to do two of those things but not all three. Maybe I'll figure that out eventually.
If you happen to be around Dallas, I'll be participating in an reading for Wordspace on July 25. Come check it out.
We're making progress on several fronts. I have been revising the novel. I'm about halfway through a draft, though I might have to do another one or possibly two. An agent gave me good feedback about cutting some of the backstory and repetition. And while I think she is absolutely right (when your tangents have tangents you're probably going off course), I have been thinking about storytelling and American conventions.
Last week Nate and I watched the Spanish movie "Volver." Certain story lines pop up that are not resolved in a neat, Hollywood way, and some scenes would have been cut from an American movie because they showed an aspect of a character that didn't contribute to the overall plot. There were a lot of pieces that were allowed to flow and meander without trying to wrap them all up with a bow by the end. I think that's just a different story tradition that doesn't expect tidiness.
I have a novel that followed six people. Some of their individual stories didn't always have a ton to do with the overall plot. Part of me doesn't want to lose those aspects, even though I understand that to make the book more comercially appealing, it makes sense to have a "neater" book. These are things I've been debating as I cut and trim and lose entire chapters. It's possible I'm making the book better, in a way, but I also think that "better" is culturally determined (obviously).
In Zoe progress, she has been sleeping longer at night. Woohoo! The last week or so she's woken up 1-2 times to be fed and has slept in blocks of 4-5 hours. I feel much less like a zombie these days.
Nate posted some new videos and pictures. I think I mentioned before that she crosses her feet while nursing. She does it when her dad feeds her, too. And this is an older video, but it's amusing. At five weeks she kept trying to move off her mat. She's already outgrown the outfit she's wearing in that clip. Time does fly. She is starting to get some rolls of fat on her legs, which makes me happy. I love the chubba chubs on babies. More to love.
Speaking of chubba chubs, last week I had my six week check up. Things look good. I gained 44.5 pounds while I was el prego and I've lost 28 pounds without dieting or exercising beyond a few walks. However, my weight loss seems to have stopped, which means I probably need to stop eating ice cream and start working out regularly. I do miss working out, but I've had a hard time taking care of Zoe, revising, AND working out. I seem to be able to do two of those things but not all three. Maybe I'll figure that out eventually.
If you happen to be around Dallas, I'll be participating in an reading for Wordspace on July 25. Come check it out.
Wednesday
Birthday, novel, Zoe, raw fish, TV
My birthday was on Tuesday. I'm now 33 years old. I don't feel all weird about getting older, probably because for the past year or so I haven't been able to remember how old I am. (A sign of old age, perhaps?) People ask and I literally have to calculate from the year I was born. And there's something I like about 33. There seems to be a sort of roundness or softness to that number.
To celebrate, Nate and I had a date, our first since Zoe was born. We went to Kenichi in Victory Park for some sushi. I'd been wanting some nigiri for a while and since I mostly abstained while I was pregnant, I was eager to get my paws on some raw fish. They had interesting combinations. The emphasis was definitely on subtlety and innovative pairings versus the stuff-your-face route we normally take when served with a plate of sushi. We also had some really nice sake. After dinner, we stopped for some gelato at a nearby cafe. They have movies on a big screen in Victory Park on Tuesday nights during the summer, so we caught the end of The Princess Bride while we enjoyed dessert. It was a nice, low-key birthday. I have the sense that this is going to be a good year.
The 19th was also Zoe's one-month birthday. Nate has taken to sometimes calling her "Zoe D.," which is a fun nickname. He also got a good video of her during tummy time. You can check it out here. I have heard her laugh in her sleep a couple of times, which is one of the cutest noises ever, though I do wonder what she's laughing about.
In other Zoe news, this past week I have been setting her down more and more. And the past two days, all of her naps have been on her own (in other words, I'm not holding her). This morning she took her first nap in her crib, which I was very excited about. I've actually been able to get a few things done! I don't think this is any great parenting on my part, necessarily. I think she just got old enough or reached some developmental stage where she doesn't need to be held practically 24/7. Of course, now that I said this I've probably jinxed everything. The one thing I've learned in my one month (LOL) of parenting is that what worked yesterday isn't necessarily what will work today. She is an evolving person, and when you think about how quickly she is developing right now and how different she will be in a year, it's pretty amazing.
In husband news, Nate has had some excitement lately. He was on a local TV station's morning program today and tomorrow he will be on the radio. It's funny because, as most writers and editors know, we usually don't go into this field because we love public speaking, but I think he's doing great.
And in novel news, I realized yet again that I am the freaking queen of the back story. I'm trying to cut as much excess as possible. It's a bit slow going since I've got the wee one to feed and take care of, but it's going.
My birthday was on Tuesday. I'm now 33 years old. I don't feel all weird about getting older, probably because for the past year or so I haven't been able to remember how old I am. (A sign of old age, perhaps?) People ask and I literally have to calculate from the year I was born. And there's something I like about 33. There seems to be a sort of roundness or softness to that number.
To celebrate, Nate and I had a date, our first since Zoe was born. We went to Kenichi in Victory Park for some sushi. I'd been wanting some nigiri for a while and since I mostly abstained while I was pregnant, I was eager to get my paws on some raw fish. They had interesting combinations. The emphasis was definitely on subtlety and innovative pairings versus the stuff-your-face route we normally take when served with a plate of sushi. We also had some really nice sake. After dinner, we stopped for some gelato at a nearby cafe. They have movies on a big screen in Victory Park on Tuesday nights during the summer, so we caught the end of The Princess Bride while we enjoyed dessert. It was a nice, low-key birthday. I have the sense that this is going to be a good year.
The 19th was also Zoe's one-month birthday. Nate has taken to sometimes calling her "Zoe D.," which is a fun nickname. He also got a good video of her during tummy time. You can check it out here. I have heard her laugh in her sleep a couple of times, which is one of the cutest noises ever, though I do wonder what she's laughing about.
In other Zoe news, this past week I have been setting her down more and more. And the past two days, all of her naps have been on her own (in other words, I'm not holding her). This morning she took her first nap in her crib, which I was very excited about. I've actually been able to get a few things done! I don't think this is any great parenting on my part, necessarily. I think she just got old enough or reached some developmental stage where she doesn't need to be held practically 24/7. Of course, now that I said this I've probably jinxed everything. The one thing I've learned in my one month (LOL) of parenting is that what worked yesterday isn't necessarily what will work today. She is an evolving person, and when you think about how quickly she is developing right now and how different she will be in a year, it's pretty amazing.
In husband news, Nate has had some excitement lately. He was on a local TV station's morning program today and tomorrow he will be on the radio. It's funny because, as most writers and editors know, we usually don't go into this field because we love public speaking, but I think he's doing great.
And in novel news, I realized yet again that I am the freaking queen of the back story. I'm trying to cut as much excess as possible. It's a bit slow going since I've got the wee one to feed and take care of, but it's going.
Tuesday
Zoe update
Some of the funny things Zoe does:
Purses her lips into an "o" when she is hungry. She looks like she's about to whistle but it's the "give me food, woman!" signal.
Crosses her feet while she is nursing. Also, makes a fist with her thumbs inside her other fingers at the same time.
Likes being held. All. The. Time. She wakes up when you put her down. Although she will sleep in her swing and the doctor says she will outgrow this holding thing, possibly around six weeks, possibly later.
She used to wake me up every morning around 4 a.m. while I was pregnant. This has turned out to be one of her feeding times and also, coincidentally, one of the times of day when she is most alert. She usually has a late afternoon alert time, too, when we try to play and get in some "tummy time." (Parents will know what I'm talking about.)
She is still mellow. In three weeks, we've had what I would consider two bad nights. One when she was waking up every hour (instead of her normal two-three) and wanting to eat. I think she was going through a growth spurt. And one night of fussiness when she couldn't seem to sleep. All the other nights have been pretty decent. She wakes up two-three times, usually, eats, poos, and then goes back to sleep. She doesn't cry all that much. We've also had a couple of nights when she's slept four-five hours. Woo to the hoo!
While she's feeding, she grunts and makes all sorts of squealing noises. That, combined with her bullfrog belly and her being a good eater (putting on eleven ounces more than her birth weight at her two-week check up), have led to me calling her Miss Piggy. I'll stop eventually so she doesn't have body issues later that she blames me for during therapy.
She could lift her head at one week (I've been told this is unusual for newborns) and now holds up her head for extended periods of time. Also, she could turn on her side at a week, which she did at her two-day check up. The pediatrician said she is "unusually strong." What do I know? I ain't ever birthed no baby before. Now she is starting to grip things, like my shirt or my arm. She also appear to be focusing on objects like mobiles and reaching out for toys.
Some of the funny things Zoe does:
Purses her lips into an "o" when she is hungry. She looks like she's about to whistle but it's the "give me food, woman!" signal.
Crosses her feet while she is nursing. Also, makes a fist with her thumbs inside her other fingers at the same time.
Likes being held. All. The. Time. She wakes up when you put her down. Although she will sleep in her swing and the doctor says she will outgrow this holding thing, possibly around six weeks, possibly later.
She used to wake me up every morning around 4 a.m. while I was pregnant. This has turned out to be one of her feeding times and also, coincidentally, one of the times of day when she is most alert. She usually has a late afternoon alert time, too, when we try to play and get in some "tummy time." (Parents will know what I'm talking about.)
She is still mellow. In three weeks, we've had what I would consider two bad nights. One when she was waking up every hour (instead of her normal two-three) and wanting to eat. I think she was going through a growth spurt. And one night of fussiness when she couldn't seem to sleep. All the other nights have been pretty decent. She wakes up two-three times, usually, eats, poos, and then goes back to sleep. She doesn't cry all that much. We've also had a couple of nights when she's slept four-five hours. Woo to the hoo!
While she's feeding, she grunts and makes all sorts of squealing noises. That, combined with her bullfrog belly and her being a good eater (putting on eleven ounces more than her birth weight at her two-week check up), have led to me calling her Miss Piggy. I'll stop eventually so she doesn't have body issues later that she blames me for during therapy.
She could lift her head at one week (I've been told this is unusual for newborns) and now holds up her head for extended periods of time. Also, she could turn on her side at a week, which she did at her two-day check up. The pediatrician said she is "unusually strong." What do I know? I ain't ever birthed no baby before. Now she is starting to grip things, like my shirt or my arm. She also appear to be focusing on objects like mobiles and reaching out for toys.
Monday
Not much time
Things are going pretty well. Mom went home a week ago and Nate returned to work this week. I've started revising my novel (again!!!!) so between baby and trying to get a few things done, I doubt I'll have much time for posting. So, a picture.
Zoe, with grandma and cousins. Also, Nate has some more pictures on his Flickr.
Things are going pretty well. Mom went home a week ago and Nate returned to work this week. I've started revising my novel (again!!!!) so between baby and trying to get a few things done, I doubt I'll have much time for posting. So, a picture.
Zoe, with grandma and cousins. Also, Nate has some more pictures on his Flickr.
Tuesday
When Zoe Comes to Town
Talk about an interesting couple of days. Last Thursday, I mentioned I had really started slowing down. It was like my internal clock had been set to slow-mo. I’d heard that was a sign of impending labor, but like all the other “signs,” it’s not like it came with a countdown.
I got my hair cut on Thursday afternoon. I worked a full day, though in my fuzzy, mushy mental state much of what I did took longer than it should have. I came home and had dinner with Nate and began to watch the season finale of Ugly Betty. I think I watched the first half hour and then I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Nate put me to bed around 7:30 and then left for his last weekly ride with his local bike club. I woke up around 11 p.m. or so, and realized I was having contractions. I decided to get up to see if moving around would make them stop, which had happened before. I got up, walked around, then started timing. The contractions weren’t going away and were coming at ten minutes consistently. I realized this might be the real deal. Around 11:45 or midnight, I called Nate to let him know we might be having a baby. He came home a few minutes later and we thought he should get a good night’s sleep since we assumed we’d be having the baby sometime the next day.
I stayed up all night. I kept moving. Sometimes I’d sit on my exercise ball, sometimes I’d sit in the rocking chair or I’d walk around. I watched Chicago. I tried to nap but anytime I reclined, the labor pains were so bad the rest wasn’t worth it. Nate woke up early the next day and it seemed like I hadn’t made much progress. I was still having contractions regularly, but the intervals weren’t consistent. Ten minutes, 15 minutes, eight, etc. I called work to let them know I thought I was in labor. We called my doctor to let the office know I might be going to the hospital later that day. We told them about the intervals and the nurse told me my doctor was in San Diego for his son’s college graduation. She told me who was on call, which was fine, because I liked that doctor as well; he just wasn’t my regular OB/GYN. Also, he had visited our birthing class a week or two before, so Nate had met him, too, and liked him. The nurse told me to rest if I could and to eat lightly, chicken broth and toast and things like that.
At this point, I’m thinking I’m still in early labor and I’d already been going for 12 hours. I figured it was better to keep eating and possibly throw up rather than be exhausted and weak because I had only been eating things like chicken broth. So I ate when I was hungry. Toast, soup, ice cream, pretty much whatever sounded good at the moment.
Nate and I both stayed home all day. Nate was tracking my contractions and they stayed the same, which is to say, they kept coming but the intervals kept changing. We decided to take care of last minute details. We did three loads of laundry, I swept the floor, we made sure our bags were packed and loaded. Sometime that afternoon, my mom called to see if she should catch a flight to Dallas or not. I started crying. Not because the pain was so bad at that point, but because I felt very frustrated. I had no sense of whether I was making any progress. I didn’t know what to tell my mom. She decided to come.
Late that afternoon before everyone left for the weekend, I asked Nate to call the doctor’s office again to see what they thought we should do. I was pretty sure they would tell me to stay at home, which is what they did. My water hadn’t broken and my contractions weren’t coming any closer together. The nurse said for us to conserve as much strength as possible because it was likely that my contractions would get worse that night. She said something about the uterus being a nocturnal organ.
My mom flew into Dallas and Edie, my mother in law, and her husband picked up mom and brought her over. We ordered pizza. I could hold a conversation between contractions, but once one hit, I preferred to be alone to get through it. Everyone hung out for a little while, then Edie and John left. Mom, Nate, and I hung out for the rest of the evening. They were helping me time contractions. I drank water pretty constantly, both regular and mineral, with lemon. I heard the lemon would help with nausea, though I never felt a strong urge to vomit.
As the night got later, the contractions did seem to increase in intensity. Sometimes I was cold—I remember putting a sweatshirt on—then I’d get really hot. At one point I took off all of my clothes except my shirt. Sometime in the evening, we heard a really weird noise and our A/C stopped working. Nate went to look and two wires had fused together and were sparking near the gas line. Good times. He shut something off so the house wouldn’t explode (honestly I was having a really hard time caring about anything other than the labor at that point even though two live wires sparking near a furnace are bad) and we opened windows and turned on fans. It rained that night, so it was actually quite cool in the house.
Around midnight, my mom went to bed to rest. Nate stayed with me while I walked around moaning. I had a lot of pain in my back. I don’t know if it was actual back labor or if that’s just the way labor feels. The things that helped: I got into the tub both Thursday and Friday nights. It didn’t help the pain, exactly, but it helped me relax. I also spent a lot of time bent over, either on my hands and knees rocking back and forth, or leaning over a table or a chair. That seemed to relieve the pressure on my back. I changed positions and walked around quite a lot. (Turned out I was right about the pedicure; I spent a lot of time staring at my feet.) I also had this awesome hot sock thing, a terry cloth filled with rice and lavender that you heat up in the microwave. I would warm that up and stretch it across my back and that gave me a lot of comfort.
Around three in the morning, Nate was having a hard time staying awake. Since my contractions were still not coming at the regular intervals they needed to (5-1-1; five minutes apart for a minute or longer for an hour or more) for me to go to the hospital and my water hadn’t broken, we woke up my mom to take Nate’s place for a while. It was around this time that things suddenly got more intense. I was drinking a lot of water and I pretty much had to pee after every contraction because they were so strong and I guess my bladder didn’t have any room. I started feeling a lot of pressure. My mom kept asking me if I thought we should go to the hospital, but when we’d look at the contractions, they weren’t regular. Then suddenly they went from 10 minutes to four. For an hour, I had three, four, three, five, ten, four, etc. It seemed like I had turned a corner and when I went to pee the last time, I saw quite a bit of blood. It was now around 4 a.m. I wanted to be sure before we left the house because I kept thinking, if we go to the hospital and they tell me I’m two centimeters dilated, I’m going to be very discouraged. But the pain was getting crazy and even more than that, after about 29 hours of labor and two nights without sleep, I had no more reserves. Nate called the doctor and when he told him I was having the urge to push, the doc told us to go. I wanted to take a shower but my mom talked me out of it (and knowing what I know now, if I'd taken that shower, I probably would have had a home birth). I told Nate he should feed the dogs before we left (seriously, I think I am insane sometimes).
As we got to Nate’s car, a contraction hit me. Nate came over to help me in and I felt such an urge to push, I panicked. I thought we had waited too long and I bit his shoulder without thinking. He flinched, helped me into the car, then we were on our way to the hospital. It was about 4:20 a.m. I had a few contractions on the way, and whereas before, I’d been telling myself not to fight against the pain, to let my body do what it was trying to do, which was relax and open, I now was trying consciously not to push but the pressure was hard to resist.
We arrived at the hospital. I had preregistered, but they still had a few questions for us. I answered what I could, then a contraction hit me and the nurse led me to my room (the doctor had called ahead). They gave me a gown to change into. I walked to the bathroom and just began throwing off my clothes. I didn’t care who saw what. They told me they needed to check and see where I was at. I had to lie down and I had a contraction in bed. It was unbearable. I had to get up. I just couldn’t deal with them lying down. Walking around or leaning over made them more tolerable for some reason. But they had to check me. They examined me and said I was at 8 centimeters. I asked for an epidural. The nurse urged me to think about the breathing, not the contraction, which I tried to do. They began to prep me for the IV I would need to get an epidural. The nurse said, “You’re really controlled. I know you could do this naturally if you wanted.” At this point I’m thinking, not only am I exhausted, I’m worried another hour or two of labor will push me so far over the edge I won’t have the strength for the pushing. I’d heard that some hospitals, no matter how many times you expressed your desire to go natural, would discourage you. I found the opposite to be true. All of the nurses and the doctor tried to help me go natural but after that many hours of pain and no sleep, I just didn’t think I could deal with it anymore. But I could tell the nurses were worried it was too late. You have to have a certain amount of the fluid from the IV before you can get an epidural and they had to get the anesthesiologist into my room also.
In the end, it worked out. I got the epidural and immediately relaxed. Nate said I started smiling. The doctor told me to try to rest. I asked Nate to put some socks on my feet because I was cold. He pulled out some house slippers we’d bought at Target and at least three different nurses complimented me on them. All the nurses who later came into my recovery room liked them, too, which is pretty funny, now that I think about it. As Nate said, here you are, having a baby and people are saying, "I love your shoes."
I asked the doctor if the baby was facing the wrong way because I had been having so much pain in my back. He said she was in the process of rotating. He broke my water and said that would probably encourage the last two centimeters of dilation. For the next hour, I dozed. Nate put my waves on again (sounds I’d been listening to during the labor earlier). I talked to Nate, my mom, and Edie periodically. I was making jokes. That hour of rest made a huge difference. I got checked again and I was dilated to ten centimeters.
The nurse came and explained how she wanted me to push. Nate stood on my left and she stood on my right. The whole time Nate gave me encouragement and was my cheerleader. We did a few practice pushes before I figured out how to do what the nurse wanted me to do, since I couldn’t feel what I was doing so well. It was more a mental thing than physical. When I got it right, she said, “what you did that last time, that’s what I want you to do.” So we did a few pushes then she said, “Stop! Stop pushing. Get the doctor.” So the doctor came. All in all, I think I pushed for 42 minutes. Everything happened so fast. Zoe was born at 8:22 a.m. The doctor gave me the baby. Both of her grandmothers started crying. I thought I would cry when she was born, but I started laughing instead. Nate and I were both laughing and smiling. Nate cut the cord and I think they took her to do the cleaning, suctioning, etc. I was thinking she did not at all look like a Madeleine, which had been my favorite name up until that point.
Meanwhile, they stitched me up. I had a second-degree tear (and I am definitely glad I had the benefit of an epidural during that) and they got the placenta delivered, which I never saw but Nate did (he said it looked like an octopus or a jellyfish or something and said it was fascinating). My arms were shaking a lot. I don’t know if that was from the epidural or from going unmedicated up until that point in labor. They gave me the baby and I tried to breastfeed, but my arms were shaking so much I couldn’t hold her very well. They gave the baby to Nate. She was crying, but as soon as Nate started talking, she calmed down.
We stayed in delivery for a couple of hours, then they took me to my room. I was starving and asked for food pretty much immediately. I think my first meal was brisket. They took the baby to give her a bath and do a couple of other things with her in the nursery and Nate and I slept for a couple of hours.
Eventually I was able to breastfeed and we hung out with the baby. Nate and I began to discuss names. For a while, it seemed like she was going to be a Mariana. The other options we considered were Ava, Zoe, and Samantha. Zoe ended up winning out as the name for a few reasons. When they brought her to us after her first bath, her hair was sticking up in a mohawk, which seemed very Zoe-like. Also, it went well with her middle and last names (we thought Samantha was too long with the combination). The three names we picked have a nice rhythm.
I am already starting to forget details. The morning after the delivery, I couldn’t remember the actual sensation of labor pain. I knew it hurt, I knew I had been in pain, but I couldn’t remember what it had felt like, and this was only a few hours later. And other than crying on the phone with my mom, I don’t think I cried at any other point during labor, which sort of surprises me now.
The day after I had Zoe, my sister flew into Dallas also. On the first night, she sent Nate home so he could get some sleep and she stayed in the hospital room and helped me with Zoe. She gave me a lot of good advice, especially about breastfeeding. She was really excited about having a girl in the family (she has two boys) and she kept squeezing the baby to make her grunt. I think she is coming back to visit over Memorial Day weekend.
In terms of recovery, I have been home now for almost two days and I’m feeling tired, but pretty well over all. Apparently, I didn’t have a lot of complications. Very little to no swelling in the perineal area, no hemorrhoids after the pushing, etc. I’m a little sore from the stitches, but already feel quite a bit better. I’m trying to remember not to push myself. I really wanted to go for a walk today but decided against it. I’m going to try to wait another day or two. Mom is here for a couple of weeks and that is a huge help. She and Nate rotate shifts and usually one of them is up with Zoe after she has eaten but is still really alert and that lets me get a couple of quick catnaps in.
In terms of details, Zoe was six pounds, three ounces, quite a bit smaller than I expected. The doctor had estimated she’d be in the low sevens. She has long, thin fingers and toes. Her eyes are that milky blue grey common to newborns. I’m pretty sure they’ll eventually turn brown. Her hair is a little sparse up top, but she already needs a trim in the back and around her ears. I think her nose, cheeks, and lips look like me, but I think her chin is all Nate and her eyes are possibly his, also. Her eyes are still a little swollen from the delivery so it’s hard to say for sure. Generally speaking, she’s pretty mellow. She doesn’t cry very much and it’s this funny low squeaking sort of cry. Compared to the other babies in the hospital, it isn’t that piercing, come-get-me-now shriek. She just sounds unhappy and is letting you know about it. She gets really really red when she’s mad. So far the things that seem to make her mad are having her clothes or diapers changed. She’s a funny little thing. And of course I’m prejudiced but I think she is beautiful.
When Zoe comes to town, things break, apparently. In addition to the A/C going out (which Edie was kind enough to take care of while we were still in the hospital), the plumbing went out of whack. The day we got home from the hospital, one of us flushed a toilet and all of the toilets and tubs backed up. We had to call a plumber. Fun stuff. I think the house was preparing for Zoe’s arrival by going on strike. But we now have a working A/C and indoor plumbing, both nice things when you have a newborn. And of course, we have a beautiful baby girl and we are at home, hanging out and waiting to see what happens next. Hopefully nothing else will break.
Talk about an interesting couple of days. Last Thursday, I mentioned I had really started slowing down. It was like my internal clock had been set to slow-mo. I’d heard that was a sign of impending labor, but like all the other “signs,” it’s not like it came with a countdown.
I got my hair cut on Thursday afternoon. I worked a full day, though in my fuzzy, mushy mental state much of what I did took longer than it should have. I came home and had dinner with Nate and began to watch the season finale of Ugly Betty. I think I watched the first half hour and then I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Nate put me to bed around 7:30 and then left for his last weekly ride with his local bike club. I woke up around 11 p.m. or so, and realized I was having contractions. I decided to get up to see if moving around would make them stop, which had happened before. I got up, walked around, then started timing. The contractions weren’t going away and were coming at ten minutes consistently. I realized this might be the real deal. Around 11:45 or midnight, I called Nate to let him know we might be having a baby. He came home a few minutes later and we thought he should get a good night’s sleep since we assumed we’d be having the baby sometime the next day.
I stayed up all night. I kept moving. Sometimes I’d sit on my exercise ball, sometimes I’d sit in the rocking chair or I’d walk around. I watched Chicago. I tried to nap but anytime I reclined, the labor pains were so bad the rest wasn’t worth it. Nate woke up early the next day and it seemed like I hadn’t made much progress. I was still having contractions regularly, but the intervals weren’t consistent. Ten minutes, 15 minutes, eight, etc. I called work to let them know I thought I was in labor. We called my doctor to let the office know I might be going to the hospital later that day. We told them about the intervals and the nurse told me my doctor was in San Diego for his son’s college graduation. She told me who was on call, which was fine, because I liked that doctor as well; he just wasn’t my regular OB/GYN. Also, he had visited our birthing class a week or two before, so Nate had met him, too, and liked him. The nurse told me to rest if I could and to eat lightly, chicken broth and toast and things like that.
At this point, I’m thinking I’m still in early labor and I’d already been going for 12 hours. I figured it was better to keep eating and possibly throw up rather than be exhausted and weak because I had only been eating things like chicken broth. So I ate when I was hungry. Toast, soup, ice cream, pretty much whatever sounded good at the moment.
Nate and I both stayed home all day. Nate was tracking my contractions and they stayed the same, which is to say, they kept coming but the intervals kept changing. We decided to take care of last minute details. We did three loads of laundry, I swept the floor, we made sure our bags were packed and loaded. Sometime that afternoon, my mom called to see if she should catch a flight to Dallas or not. I started crying. Not because the pain was so bad at that point, but because I felt very frustrated. I had no sense of whether I was making any progress. I didn’t know what to tell my mom. She decided to come.
Late that afternoon before everyone left for the weekend, I asked Nate to call the doctor’s office again to see what they thought we should do. I was pretty sure they would tell me to stay at home, which is what they did. My water hadn’t broken and my contractions weren’t coming any closer together. The nurse said for us to conserve as much strength as possible because it was likely that my contractions would get worse that night. She said something about the uterus being a nocturnal organ.
My mom flew into Dallas and Edie, my mother in law, and her husband picked up mom and brought her over. We ordered pizza. I could hold a conversation between contractions, but once one hit, I preferred to be alone to get through it. Everyone hung out for a little while, then Edie and John left. Mom, Nate, and I hung out for the rest of the evening. They were helping me time contractions. I drank water pretty constantly, both regular and mineral, with lemon. I heard the lemon would help with nausea, though I never felt a strong urge to vomit.
As the night got later, the contractions did seem to increase in intensity. Sometimes I was cold—I remember putting a sweatshirt on—then I’d get really hot. At one point I took off all of my clothes except my shirt. Sometime in the evening, we heard a really weird noise and our A/C stopped working. Nate went to look and two wires had fused together and were sparking near the gas line. Good times. He shut something off so the house wouldn’t explode (honestly I was having a really hard time caring about anything other than the labor at that point even though two live wires sparking near a furnace are bad) and we opened windows and turned on fans. It rained that night, so it was actually quite cool in the house.
Around midnight, my mom went to bed to rest. Nate stayed with me while I walked around moaning. I had a lot of pain in my back. I don’t know if it was actual back labor or if that’s just the way labor feels. The things that helped: I got into the tub both Thursday and Friday nights. It didn’t help the pain, exactly, but it helped me relax. I also spent a lot of time bent over, either on my hands and knees rocking back and forth, or leaning over a table or a chair. That seemed to relieve the pressure on my back. I changed positions and walked around quite a lot. (Turned out I was right about the pedicure; I spent a lot of time staring at my feet.) I also had this awesome hot sock thing, a terry cloth filled with rice and lavender that you heat up in the microwave. I would warm that up and stretch it across my back and that gave me a lot of comfort.
Around three in the morning, Nate was having a hard time staying awake. Since my contractions were still not coming at the regular intervals they needed to (5-1-1; five minutes apart for a minute or longer for an hour or more) for me to go to the hospital and my water hadn’t broken, we woke up my mom to take Nate’s place for a while. It was around this time that things suddenly got more intense. I was drinking a lot of water and I pretty much had to pee after every contraction because they were so strong and I guess my bladder didn’t have any room. I started feeling a lot of pressure. My mom kept asking me if I thought we should go to the hospital, but when we’d look at the contractions, they weren’t regular. Then suddenly they went from 10 minutes to four. For an hour, I had three, four, three, five, ten, four, etc. It seemed like I had turned a corner and when I went to pee the last time, I saw quite a bit of blood. It was now around 4 a.m. I wanted to be sure before we left the house because I kept thinking, if we go to the hospital and they tell me I’m two centimeters dilated, I’m going to be very discouraged. But the pain was getting crazy and even more than that, after about 29 hours of labor and two nights without sleep, I had no more reserves. Nate called the doctor and when he told him I was having the urge to push, the doc told us to go. I wanted to take a shower but my mom talked me out of it (and knowing what I know now, if I'd taken that shower, I probably would have had a home birth). I told Nate he should feed the dogs before we left (seriously, I think I am insane sometimes).
As we got to Nate’s car, a contraction hit me. Nate came over to help me in and I felt such an urge to push, I panicked. I thought we had waited too long and I bit his shoulder without thinking. He flinched, helped me into the car, then we were on our way to the hospital. It was about 4:20 a.m. I had a few contractions on the way, and whereas before, I’d been telling myself not to fight against the pain, to let my body do what it was trying to do, which was relax and open, I now was trying consciously not to push but the pressure was hard to resist.
We arrived at the hospital. I had preregistered, but they still had a few questions for us. I answered what I could, then a contraction hit me and the nurse led me to my room (the doctor had called ahead). They gave me a gown to change into. I walked to the bathroom and just began throwing off my clothes. I didn’t care who saw what. They told me they needed to check and see where I was at. I had to lie down and I had a contraction in bed. It was unbearable. I had to get up. I just couldn’t deal with them lying down. Walking around or leaning over made them more tolerable for some reason. But they had to check me. They examined me and said I was at 8 centimeters. I asked for an epidural. The nurse urged me to think about the breathing, not the contraction, which I tried to do. They began to prep me for the IV I would need to get an epidural. The nurse said, “You’re really controlled. I know you could do this naturally if you wanted.” At this point I’m thinking, not only am I exhausted, I’m worried another hour or two of labor will push me so far over the edge I won’t have the strength for the pushing. I’d heard that some hospitals, no matter how many times you expressed your desire to go natural, would discourage you. I found the opposite to be true. All of the nurses and the doctor tried to help me go natural but after that many hours of pain and no sleep, I just didn’t think I could deal with it anymore. But I could tell the nurses were worried it was too late. You have to have a certain amount of the fluid from the IV before you can get an epidural and they had to get the anesthesiologist into my room also.
In the end, it worked out. I got the epidural and immediately relaxed. Nate said I started smiling. The doctor told me to try to rest. I asked Nate to put some socks on my feet because I was cold. He pulled out some house slippers we’d bought at Target and at least three different nurses complimented me on them. All the nurses who later came into my recovery room liked them, too, which is pretty funny, now that I think about it. As Nate said, here you are, having a baby and people are saying, "I love your shoes."
I asked the doctor if the baby was facing the wrong way because I had been having so much pain in my back. He said she was in the process of rotating. He broke my water and said that would probably encourage the last two centimeters of dilation. For the next hour, I dozed. Nate put my waves on again (sounds I’d been listening to during the labor earlier). I talked to Nate, my mom, and Edie periodically. I was making jokes. That hour of rest made a huge difference. I got checked again and I was dilated to ten centimeters.
The nurse came and explained how she wanted me to push. Nate stood on my left and she stood on my right. The whole time Nate gave me encouragement and was my cheerleader. We did a few practice pushes before I figured out how to do what the nurse wanted me to do, since I couldn’t feel what I was doing so well. It was more a mental thing than physical. When I got it right, she said, “what you did that last time, that’s what I want you to do.” So we did a few pushes then she said, “Stop! Stop pushing. Get the doctor.” So the doctor came. All in all, I think I pushed for 42 minutes. Everything happened so fast. Zoe was born at 8:22 a.m. The doctor gave me the baby. Both of her grandmothers started crying. I thought I would cry when she was born, but I started laughing instead. Nate and I were both laughing and smiling. Nate cut the cord and I think they took her to do the cleaning, suctioning, etc. I was thinking she did not at all look like a Madeleine, which had been my favorite name up until that point.
Meanwhile, they stitched me up. I had a second-degree tear (and I am definitely glad I had the benefit of an epidural during that) and they got the placenta delivered, which I never saw but Nate did (he said it looked like an octopus or a jellyfish or something and said it was fascinating). My arms were shaking a lot. I don’t know if that was from the epidural or from going unmedicated up until that point in labor. They gave me the baby and I tried to breastfeed, but my arms were shaking so much I couldn’t hold her very well. They gave the baby to Nate. She was crying, but as soon as Nate started talking, she calmed down.
We stayed in delivery for a couple of hours, then they took me to my room. I was starving and asked for food pretty much immediately. I think my first meal was brisket. They took the baby to give her a bath and do a couple of other things with her in the nursery and Nate and I slept for a couple of hours.
Eventually I was able to breastfeed and we hung out with the baby. Nate and I began to discuss names. For a while, it seemed like she was going to be a Mariana. The other options we considered were Ava, Zoe, and Samantha. Zoe ended up winning out as the name for a few reasons. When they brought her to us after her first bath, her hair was sticking up in a mohawk, which seemed very Zoe-like. Also, it went well with her middle and last names (we thought Samantha was too long with the combination). The three names we picked have a nice rhythm.
I am already starting to forget details. The morning after the delivery, I couldn’t remember the actual sensation of labor pain. I knew it hurt, I knew I had been in pain, but I couldn’t remember what it had felt like, and this was only a few hours later. And other than crying on the phone with my mom, I don’t think I cried at any other point during labor, which sort of surprises me now.
The day after I had Zoe, my sister flew into Dallas also. On the first night, she sent Nate home so he could get some sleep and she stayed in the hospital room and helped me with Zoe. She gave me a lot of good advice, especially about breastfeeding. She was really excited about having a girl in the family (she has two boys) and she kept squeezing the baby to make her grunt. I think she is coming back to visit over Memorial Day weekend.
In terms of recovery, I have been home now for almost two days and I’m feeling tired, but pretty well over all. Apparently, I didn’t have a lot of complications. Very little to no swelling in the perineal area, no hemorrhoids after the pushing, etc. I’m a little sore from the stitches, but already feel quite a bit better. I’m trying to remember not to push myself. I really wanted to go for a walk today but decided against it. I’m going to try to wait another day or two. Mom is here for a couple of weeks and that is a huge help. She and Nate rotate shifts and usually one of them is up with Zoe after she has eaten but is still really alert and that lets me get a couple of quick catnaps in.
In terms of details, Zoe was six pounds, three ounces, quite a bit smaller than I expected. The doctor had estimated she’d be in the low sevens. She has long, thin fingers and toes. Her eyes are that milky blue grey common to newborns. I’m pretty sure they’ll eventually turn brown. Her hair is a little sparse up top, but she already needs a trim in the back and around her ears. I think her nose, cheeks, and lips look like me, but I think her chin is all Nate and her eyes are possibly his, also. Her eyes are still a little swollen from the delivery so it’s hard to say for sure. Generally speaking, she’s pretty mellow. She doesn’t cry very much and it’s this funny low squeaking sort of cry. Compared to the other babies in the hospital, it isn’t that piercing, come-get-me-now shriek. She just sounds unhappy and is letting you know about it. She gets really really red when she’s mad. So far the things that seem to make her mad are having her clothes or diapers changed. She’s a funny little thing. And of course I’m prejudiced but I think she is beautiful.
When Zoe comes to town, things break, apparently. In addition to the A/C going out (which Edie was kind enough to take care of while we were still in the hospital), the plumbing went out of whack. The day we got home from the hospital, one of us flushed a toilet and all of the toilets and tubs backed up. We had to call a plumber. Fun stuff. I think the house was preparing for Zoe’s arrival by going on strike. But we now have a working A/C and indoor plumbing, both nice things when you have a newborn. And of course, we have a beautiful baby girl and we are at home, hanging out and waiting to see what happens next. Hopefully nothing else will break.
Thursday
The Latest
Went to the doc yesterday. He says I am now almost 90% effaced (up from 20% last week). Blood pressure is a nice 100/70; I lost 1.5 pounds (again, attributed to water retention, or loss thereof). He wants me to start taking it easy. He said by 7:30 or so every night to stop cleaning, working, whatever, and just relax. I guess he thinks any night could be D-Day so I should try to get a good night's sleep. Also, he told me not to do anything crazy or too strenuous this weekend because he is not on call and I would get one of the other docs. He is on schedule all next week and over Memorial Day Weekend, which is when I am due. So we keep on keeping on.
To tempt fate, Nate and I have invited a couple of friends over for an early dinner on Sunday. I think we are going to try fondue.
I keep thinking I should write about something else, but the truth is, my mind can't really get over the fact that I'm about to birth a human. Also, both my mind and body have slooooooowed down. Everything's a little fuzzy around the edges. I'm having a hard time focusing, things take longer than they should, and I walk like a 90-year-old lady with bad hips.
Went to the doc yesterday. He says I am now almost 90% effaced (up from 20% last week). Blood pressure is a nice 100/70; I lost 1.5 pounds (again, attributed to water retention, or loss thereof). He wants me to start taking it easy. He said by 7:30 or so every night to stop cleaning, working, whatever, and just relax. I guess he thinks any night could be D-Day so I should try to get a good night's sleep. Also, he told me not to do anything crazy or too strenuous this weekend because he is not on call and I would get one of the other docs. He is on schedule all next week and over Memorial Day Weekend, which is when I am due. So we keep on keeping on.
To tempt fate, Nate and I have invited a couple of friends over for an early dinner on Sunday. I think we are going to try fondue.
I keep thinking I should write about something else, but the truth is, my mind can't really get over the fact that I'm about to birth a human. Also, both my mind and body have slooooooowed down. Everything's a little fuzzy around the edges. I'm having a hard time focusing, things take longer than they should, and I walk like a 90-year-old lady with bad hips.
Tuesday
Interesting ...
I am now Yvonne unplugged. (Note: do not click on the link if you do not want to read about pregnancy squishiness.)
I am now Yvonne unplugged. (Note: do not click on the link if you do not want to read about pregnancy squishiness.)
Friday
Progress
At my doc appointment yesterday, he said still no dilation but 20% effacement, which means things are starting to happen but no telling how long she will take. We're about two weeks away from her due date, so I think we'll probably proceed along schedule. Before I thought she'd be a week or so early, now I'm not so sure. Also, I gained another 3.5 pounds since last week and I know I wasn't eating too badly. Doc seems to think it's water retention and was unconcerned, so I won't worry about it. And my blood pressure was 100/60 so that's all good.
This weekend we're getting the guest room ready for my Mom. She's coming to help for a week or two after the bebe. We're also going to the Swiss Avenue Home Tour for Mother's Day and that should be fun. I can't wait to check out some of the gardens.
We've also been doing some planting outside. We accomplished most of our spring, in-the-ground goals except for two. We didn't get the seeds for the native grass, that's going to have to wait until next year, and we didn't get a palm tree because we discovered most of the commercially available palms grow way too big for the space we've got. We're debating a pomegranate right now but Nate is also interested in getting a rain barrel, so we'll have to wait and see. I guess we have to leave some projects for next spring.
Now I've shifted to getting plants for the back patio. Nothing large or major, just adding some color back there. The hilarious thing is that Nate keeps wanting to take my plants from the back and move them up to the front, which is not helping me accomplish my goal. Good stuff.
At my doc appointment yesterday, he said still no dilation but 20% effacement, which means things are starting to happen but no telling how long she will take. We're about two weeks away from her due date, so I think we'll probably proceed along schedule. Before I thought she'd be a week or so early, now I'm not so sure. Also, I gained another 3.5 pounds since last week and I know I wasn't eating too badly. Doc seems to think it's water retention and was unconcerned, so I won't worry about it. And my blood pressure was 100/60 so that's all good.
This weekend we're getting the guest room ready for my Mom. She's coming to help for a week or two after the bebe. We're also going to the Swiss Avenue Home Tour for Mother's Day and that should be fun. I can't wait to check out some of the gardens.
We've also been doing some planting outside. We accomplished most of our spring, in-the-ground goals except for two. We didn't get the seeds for the native grass, that's going to have to wait until next year, and we didn't get a palm tree because we discovered most of the commercially available palms grow way too big for the space we've got. We're debating a pomegranate right now but Nate is also interested in getting a rain barrel, so we'll have to wait and see. I guess we have to leave some projects for next spring.
Now I've shifted to getting plants for the back patio. Nothing large or major, just adding some color back there. The hilarious thing is that Nate keeps wanting to take my plants from the back and move them up to the front, which is not helping me accomplish my goal. Good stuff.
It's the Final Countdown
Now, you have to imagine that title being sung to the old Europe song. That's what's in my head these days. This weekend, I am 37 weeks and the bebe is considered full term. Although I've been told many first pregnancies go to 42 weeks, I really don't think I'm going to make it that long. My prediction is sometime in the next week or two. Of course, I could be wrong. I was wrong about the gender! So if I'm still waddling around in five weeks consider me both mistaken and miserable.
I turned in my last freelance assignment today. Woohoo! So now I am going to focus on just hanging out, having fun, and getting the house ready. Since I've been focusing on freelance work, there's quite a bit to do at home, though Nate has been trying to keep things up. It's just hard between the house and the yard; you really do need two people to keep everything together.
My feet have started swelling. I can't wear socks anymore because then my feet get really fat; like 2-3 times their normal size. They look like cartoon feet! The other night Nate saw them and started laughing because he said they didn't look like they belonged to me at all. But I'm sleeping with my feet elevated and trying to keep my feet up as much as possible the rest of the time.
At my last doctor's appointment (we're going weekly now), I discovered the baby has dropped. She's in position, head down, but no dilation. I've had a couple of friends have no dilation at a doctor's appointment and go into labor within days, however, so I don't think that's a super reliable indicator. I've gained 36 pounds so far, but had gained four pounds since my last visit! The nurse said not to feel bad because with the heat I am probably retaining fluid.
Only a few more weeks until I meet the Stull household VIP. Pretty cool. I'm very tempted to go get a pedicure this weekend. For some reason, I keep thinking that during labor I'll be looking down at my feet a lot and somehow I've become convinced the pain will be more tolerable if my toenails look purty. At least the color will distract me from their cartoonish size, anyway.
Not long now!
Irritation
So I now understand how my sister and friends felt at this stage in their pregnancies. I’m irritable and emotional these days, probably because I feel at least a little uncomfortable most of the time. The typical things you hear about: swollen hands and feet, joint pain (in my hips and hands), having to pee ALL THE FRAKIN’ TIME, waking up a lot at night, losing my breath, etc. I think this is nature’s way of helping you prepare for the pain of labor. You get so uncomfortable you finally say, enough! Whatever it takes to make this stop. Of course, I know my physical discomfort is going to get worse before it gets better, and chances are, my sleeping time isn’t going to magically increase all of a sudden (quite the opposite).
I was telling Nate that the thing that sent me over the edge (and it’s a strange thing) was looking down at my feet one day and thinking they didn’t look like they belonged to me. I’ve always had skinny feet and toes (and hands and fingers, for that matter) and looking down and seeing swollen, plump feet … I dunno, it was weird. It was like looking at a stranger.
I’ve watched my stomach grow gradually over time but my feet seemed to have plumped up overnight. I wore my wedding ring until Monday when I realized my finger was red and abraded from it being too tight. The funny thing was, a woman in our birthing class had just told me: “I’m so jealous you’re still wearing rings.” Ha! All of the rings I used to wear on my middle fingers have migrated to my ring fingers.
These are small things. Logically, I don’t think they should bother me. Yet somehow they do. I guess I’m just generally irritable and anything would bug me at this point. Due date is May 27. We are a month away, presumably.
Things I'm looking forward to: sushi, raw oysters, drinking a couple of glasses of wine at one sitting, going for a run again, sleeping on my stomach, wearing my wedding ring, meeting my daughter.
The Humorous
There have definitely been some amusing moments during this whole pregnancy thing. Like:
Nate and I had noticed that over time, my pants tend to slide down under my belly and I have to hike them back up. We were talking about men with beer bellies, and how they have the same problem. But unlike these men, I never have the ass crack problem. In other words, the back of my pants never slides down. Nate and I were both wondering why this might be, when we simultaneously came up with the answer: my butt is too big. My pants will never fall down in the back because I have plenty to hold them up.
During our last birthing class, people were talking about concerns they have about labor. One thing that came up was worrying about cussing. Now let me tell you, I have plenty of concerns about labor, mostly involving pain, an episiotomy, an emergency c-section, and a few other physical things I will not go into detail about. Let's just say dropping a few f-bombs is not high on my list.
I have a hard time rolling from side to side in bed and getting out of bed. To do either, I have to build up my momentum. My upper body and stomach stay mostly stationary and I use my legs to to turn my whole body over to the side. When I want to get out of bed, I push myself harder, roll onto one side, and land with my feet on the floor. The first time Nate saw me do this, he called me a "roly-poly."
A couple of weeks ago, Nate wanted to go to a pub but I'm so pregnant now I felt self-conscious. I could have gotten a non-alcoholic beer or a soft drink or something, but I've heard horror stories about pregnant women getting a hard time, dirty looks, etc. when in a bar. So Nate said if anything happened, he would tell them "My wife's not pregnant; she's just fat!"
Tuesday
Another Random Update
#1 on the list of things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman after you haven’t seen her in awhile: “Wow, you are huge.” I wasn’t offended when I heard it; just thought, yup, that was about the worst thing to say to me.
In new pregnancy symptoms, my fingers were hurting a lot last week. Apparently has something to do with carpal tunnel syndrome and retaining fluid. Joy. But I’ve been drinking more water and trying to sleep with my hands flat, instead of the weird twisty things I do with them normally, and they seem to be getting better.
Last Friday we had some crazy tornado weather. The sky was green and about half a mile away there was a funnel cloud. We heard the power lines snapping. The next day, I felt really odd. Just off and zone-y and when we went to the grocery store I was having Braxton Hicks contractions. We got home, I went to bed, and had more contractions off and on for the next few hours, but they didn’t intensify or happen more frequently. Our birthing instructor told us that barometric pressure changes can sometimes cause women to go into labor.
We’ve had three of our birthing classes. In the first one, as I mentioned before, there was praying at the end. At the second class, the prayerful couple was late and I think they felt a little discombobulated that night, so no request to pray. Last night they wanted to pray again. Nate and I had already decided we would leave if that should happen, which is what we did. They were going to pray for someone specifically, so before we left I walked up to her and told her Nate and I would be thinking of her, and then we vamoosed.
The nursery, thanks to Edie and John, is complete! You should check out the pictures. I’ve gotten almost everything ready. I have a little bit of organizing left and we’d like to get a rug for the nursery, then I think we are done for a while.
I’m having a big debate in my head about cloth vs. disposable diapers. The cloth require a hefty investment upfront, which presumably pays off over time because you aren’t buying disposables. However, everyone I’ve spoken to who has used cloth diapers has said they are a pain. Some don’t like washing them and everyone has said they have problems with leaks and “explosive” situations. Also, I haven’t found a day care that will accept cloth diapers. I think there are difficulties storing the dirty diapers and it’s a hygiene issue. Does it make sense to try to invest in something I won’t be able to use in day care? I can’t decide. Right now I’m thinking I may buy only a few cloth diapers to test out the leakage thing, supplemented with Seventh Generation diapers. I was thinking I could use cloth at home and disposables at day care, but we’ll just have to see how they perform. I’ll let you know how this fascinating diaper debate concludes. I can’t believe I’m freaking writing about diapers. What’s next? Breast pumping?
I’ve been doing a nice amount of freelance work lately and am in the process of trying to wrap up my last few projects. My due date is May 27 (six weeks away!) so my cut off for turning everything in is May 15. I think most of my projects will be wrapped up before then, except possibly one, which would be turned in on the 15th, I hope. We’ll see. Then I’m taking some time off of freelancing to have a newborn and maybe work on my novel. (Hahahahaha. Seriously, I’m going to try to work on my novel. I’ve always done well while sleep deprived.)
#1 on the list of things you shouldn’t say to a pregnant woman after you haven’t seen her in awhile: “Wow, you are huge.” I wasn’t offended when I heard it; just thought, yup, that was about the worst thing to say to me.
In new pregnancy symptoms, my fingers were hurting a lot last week. Apparently has something to do with carpal tunnel syndrome and retaining fluid. Joy. But I’ve been drinking more water and trying to sleep with my hands flat, instead of the weird twisty things I do with them normally, and they seem to be getting better.
Last Friday we had some crazy tornado weather. The sky was green and about half a mile away there was a funnel cloud. We heard the power lines snapping. The next day, I felt really odd. Just off and zone-y and when we went to the grocery store I was having Braxton Hicks contractions. We got home, I went to bed, and had more contractions off and on for the next few hours, but they didn’t intensify or happen more frequently. Our birthing instructor told us that barometric pressure changes can sometimes cause women to go into labor.
We’ve had three of our birthing classes. In the first one, as I mentioned before, there was praying at the end. At the second class, the prayerful couple was late and I think they felt a little discombobulated that night, so no request to pray. Last night they wanted to pray again. Nate and I had already decided we would leave if that should happen, which is what we did. They were going to pray for someone specifically, so before we left I walked up to her and told her Nate and I would be thinking of her, and then we vamoosed.
The nursery, thanks to Edie and John, is complete! You should check out the pictures. I’ve gotten almost everything ready. I have a little bit of organizing left and we’d like to get a rug for the nursery, then I think we are done for a while.
I’m having a big debate in my head about cloth vs. disposable diapers. The cloth require a hefty investment upfront, which presumably pays off over time because you aren’t buying disposables. However, everyone I’ve spoken to who has used cloth diapers has said they are a pain. Some don’t like washing them and everyone has said they have problems with leaks and “explosive” situations. Also, I haven’t found a day care that will accept cloth diapers. I think there are difficulties storing the dirty diapers and it’s a hygiene issue. Does it make sense to try to invest in something I won’t be able to use in day care? I can’t decide. Right now I’m thinking I may buy only a few cloth diapers to test out the leakage thing, supplemented with Seventh Generation diapers. I was thinking I could use cloth at home and disposables at day care, but we’ll just have to see how they perform. I’ll let you know how this fascinating diaper debate concludes. I can’t believe I’m freaking writing about diapers. What’s next? Breast pumping?
I’ve been doing a nice amount of freelance work lately and am in the process of trying to wrap up my last few projects. My due date is May 27 (six weeks away!) so my cut off for turning everything in is May 15. I think most of my projects will be wrapped up before then, except possibly one, which would be turned in on the 15th, I hope. We’ll see. Then I’m taking some time off of freelancing to have a newborn and maybe work on my novel. (Hahahahaha. Seriously, I’m going to try to work on my novel. I’ve always done well while sleep deprived.)
Weekly Update
I'm now gained about 33 pounds and I have seven weeks to go. Not too bad.
I've been eating better the last couple of days (more veggies and whole grains, less junk food) and the swelling in my hands and feet seems to have gone down. I can wear my engagement ring again, for one thing, so that's good. I'll be interested to see if this means my blood pressure is lower next week when I go to my doctor's appointment.
I caught a nasty bug on Sunday. Not sure if I picked up a virus while we were traveling or if I ate something that didn't agree with me. Nate was a little sick, too, but not violently ill like I was. At one point when I was vomiting in the middle of the night, the baby was kicking really hard (she probably didn't appreciate all the heaving) and I was thinking, Okay, ready for this to be over. Nothing like getting kicked internally while you're puking to want your stomach back to yourself.
Our list of names is constantly evolving, but right now our favorites are: Samantha, Madeleine, Chloe, Maren, and Rosalyn.
It snowed in Midland while we were there for Easter. And I got some very nice baby gifts from family and friends for ze bebe.
Seven weeks!!!
Thursday
Interesting
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Normally, my blood pressure has been around 110/60. Two visits ago it was 120/70 and yesterday it was 120/78. Though still in the normal range, they are keeping an eye on this to see if my blood pressure continues to rise.
Last night I woke up a couple of times because I was moaning. I was having Braxton Hicks contractions in my sleep and I think a couple of them were strong enough to wake me up.
We're supposed to leave for Midland tomorrow for the Easter holiday. I think all will be fine, but it's interesting when things are happening with your body that are beyond your control. Wish me luck.
And, finally, Nate and I cannot seem to avoid Christians in Dallas. Let me give you an example. In our birthing class (very nice people and nice instructor), out of seven couples, three of them have jobs related to Christian enterprises. At the end of our class, they wanted to pray. They stressed that no one should feel pressured to participate, and Nate did not want to, but I felt a certain vibe in the room and that we would break it if we left since we would be the only ones to do so. I wanted the group to feel good and happy and joined and all those things, because I think those are positive feelings. I don't regret participating. However, I do not intend to pray again if they should choose to continue the practice after classes.
Here's the funny thing, these kinds of situations seem to happen to us often and when we tell native Dallasites about them, they act as though they are out of the norm. Some of the interactions we've had in the almost-three years we've lived in Dallas:
Approximately half of our neighbors, upon introduction, asked us where we go to church and invited us to go with them when we said we didn't. Nate started telling them I was raised Catholic and then they would change the subject.
When I first moved here, I had a very hard time filling my birth control perscription. The pharmacy claimed they could not get in touch with my doctor in Chicago to verify my RX and when I finally went to a local Planned Parenthood to get a local script, the pharmacist referred to them as my "abortion clinic."
We have had to navigate the wet/dry areas of town. This has been awkard in instances when, for instance, we take out-of-town guests to dinner and explain to them why the restaurant does not serve alcohol.
There was a liquor store we went to from time to time. One of the clerks there asked us if we intended to have children (I can't remember specifics, but she somehow referenced God/religion during this convo). When we said we didn't know (this was a couple of years ago), she said she was surprised I would have children with someone who drank and that she'd made her husband quit drinking. I know I mentioned this before, but she worked in a liquor store.
Nate's old dentist, in the middle of a procedure while she had implements in his mouth, asked Nate if he was saved. When he said he didn't go to church but thought he was a good person, she told him that wouldn't keep him out of hell.
I feel like there have been other instances but those are the ones that spring immediately to mind. I think people have every right to their beliefs and I'm glad they believe in God and find comfort in that. Whatever works for you. I just don't want to participate. If I ever change my mind, there are about seven churches only a few blocks away from our house. I know where to find you if I'm interested.
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Normally, my blood pressure has been around 110/60. Two visits ago it was 120/70 and yesterday it was 120/78. Though still in the normal range, they are keeping an eye on this to see if my blood pressure continues to rise.
Last night I woke up a couple of times because I was moaning. I was having Braxton Hicks contractions in my sleep and I think a couple of them were strong enough to wake me up.
We're supposed to leave for Midland tomorrow for the Easter holiday. I think all will be fine, but it's interesting when things are happening with your body that are beyond your control. Wish me luck.
And, finally, Nate and I cannot seem to avoid Christians in Dallas. Let me give you an example. In our birthing class (very nice people and nice instructor), out of seven couples, three of them have jobs related to Christian enterprises. At the end of our class, they wanted to pray. They stressed that no one should feel pressured to participate, and Nate did not want to, but I felt a certain vibe in the room and that we would break it if we left since we would be the only ones to do so. I wanted the group to feel good and happy and joined and all those things, because I think those are positive feelings. I don't regret participating. However, I do not intend to pray again if they should choose to continue the practice after classes.
Here's the funny thing, these kinds of situations seem to happen to us often and when we tell native Dallasites about them, they act as though they are out of the norm. Some of the interactions we've had in the almost-three years we've lived in Dallas:
Approximately half of our neighbors, upon introduction, asked us where we go to church and invited us to go with them when we said we didn't. Nate started telling them I was raised Catholic and then they would change the subject.
When I first moved here, I had a very hard time filling my birth control perscription. The pharmacy claimed they could not get in touch with my doctor in Chicago to verify my RX and when I finally went to a local Planned Parenthood to get a local script, the pharmacist referred to them as my "abortion clinic."
We have had to navigate the wet/dry areas of town. This has been awkard in instances when, for instance, we take out-of-town guests to dinner and explain to them why the restaurant does not serve alcohol.
There was a liquor store we went to from time to time. One of the clerks there asked us if we intended to have children (I can't remember specifics, but she somehow referenced God/religion during this convo). When we said we didn't know (this was a couple of years ago), she said she was surprised I would have children with someone who drank and that she'd made her husband quit drinking. I know I mentioned this before, but she worked in a liquor store.
Nate's old dentist, in the middle of a procedure while she had implements in his mouth, asked Nate if he was saved. When he said he didn't go to church but thought he was a good person, she told him that wouldn't keep him out of hell.
I feel like there have been other instances but those are the ones that spring immediately to mind. I think people have every right to their beliefs and I'm glad they believe in God and find comfort in that. Whatever works for you. I just don't want to participate. If I ever change my mind, there are about seven churches only a few blocks away from our house. I know where to find you if I'm interested.
Wednesday
The Middle-Class Lament
I reread my last post and realized how whiny it sounded. Truth is, things are all good. I know I have a lot more than many people and there’s no need to get all stressed out about a few details. The details will get worked out. They always do.
I’ve entered a new phase. I am tired all the time. Also, I keep forgetting that I need to slow down because I can’t do as much as I used to. For instance, I went to a conference yesterday and it was in a downtown hotel. I used to work downtown and I would take the bus when I didn’t have a late-night event. I like taking public transportation, except after 10 p.m. downtown when there is no one walking the streets except you and the guys with liquor in a bag.
So yesterday I took the bus. I can either transfer and take two buses (which means very little walking, but a bit of a wait) or take one bus and walk about seven blocks. I used to do this walk all the time. So I did it. In the morning it was cool, so it was no big deal. After the conference, I did the same thing. Only by now it’s five-ish and extremely humid (we had some pretty wacky weather around here last night; severe thunderstorms and a possible tornado). About halfway through the walk, I started thinking it might not have been a good idea. I felt like I could be on the verge of fainting. And I kept thinking, but this is so ridiculous; it’s not even that far! I think it was the heat, though, and just being more tired in general these days. I eventually made it to the bus stop, the DART gods were kind because my bus pulled up immediately, and then I got to my neighborhood stop.
And here is where you will realize what a dumb ass I can be. Instead of getting off at the closest stop to my house, I got off a stop earlier so I could drop some bills of at the post office. Here’s the thing: it not only added to my walk, but I could have just put the bills in my own mailbox at home. I just had it in my mind that it would be more efficient to do them this way, and it’s not that far, right? About halfway up the first hill I realized I was dumb-dumb-dumb. I walked very slowly, tried to find shade when I could, but by the time I got home my stomach was very tight, like it was in the middle of a long Braxton Hicks contraction. One of the things that can trigger pre-term labor is dehydration so when I got home I took off all my clothes, drank a bunch of water, and then passed out for a couple of hours. I know I was exhausted because after I got up and ate dinner, I went to bed at 10 and struggled to wake up by 8. So there you go. Things are different with my body now; it’s my mind that can’t seem to accept that.
I’m learning a lot in our birthing class, which started on Monday. We had a “quiz” on the first day and I thought it was hilarious that Nate got the question with the answer “mucous plug.” He hesitated for an instant before answering, but I was very proud of him for not laughing, even though the instructor made a joke about mucous plugs right after.
So we’re moving along, dehydrated, mucous plug, and all.
I reread my last post and realized how whiny it sounded. Truth is, things are all good. I know I have a lot more than many people and there’s no need to get all stressed out about a few details. The details will get worked out. They always do.
I’ve entered a new phase. I am tired all the time. Also, I keep forgetting that I need to slow down because I can’t do as much as I used to. For instance, I went to a conference yesterday and it was in a downtown hotel. I used to work downtown and I would take the bus when I didn’t have a late-night event. I like taking public transportation, except after 10 p.m. downtown when there is no one walking the streets except you and the guys with liquor in a bag.
So yesterday I took the bus. I can either transfer and take two buses (which means very little walking, but a bit of a wait) or take one bus and walk about seven blocks. I used to do this walk all the time. So I did it. In the morning it was cool, so it was no big deal. After the conference, I did the same thing. Only by now it’s five-ish and extremely humid (we had some pretty wacky weather around here last night; severe thunderstorms and a possible tornado). About halfway through the walk, I started thinking it might not have been a good idea. I felt like I could be on the verge of fainting. And I kept thinking, but this is so ridiculous; it’s not even that far! I think it was the heat, though, and just being more tired in general these days. I eventually made it to the bus stop, the DART gods were kind because my bus pulled up immediately, and then I got to my neighborhood stop.
And here is where you will realize what a dumb ass I can be. Instead of getting off at the closest stop to my house, I got off a stop earlier so I could drop some bills of at the post office. Here’s the thing: it not only added to my walk, but I could have just put the bills in my own mailbox at home. I just had it in my mind that it would be more efficient to do them this way, and it’s not that far, right? About halfway up the first hill I realized I was dumb-dumb-dumb. I walked very slowly, tried to find shade when I could, but by the time I got home my stomach was very tight, like it was in the middle of a long Braxton Hicks contraction. One of the things that can trigger pre-term labor is dehydration so when I got home I took off all my clothes, drank a bunch of water, and then passed out for a couple of hours. I know I was exhausted because after I got up and ate dinner, I went to bed at 10 and struggled to wake up by 8. So there you go. Things are different with my body now; it’s my mind that can’t seem to accept that.
I’m learning a lot in our birthing class, which started on Monday. We had a “quiz” on the first day and I thought it was hilarious that Nate got the question with the answer “mucous plug.” He hesitated for an instant before answering, but I was very proud of him for not laughing, even though the instructor made a joke about mucous plugs right after.
So we’re moving along, dehydrated, mucous plug, and all.
Friday
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
I have been sick for almost two weeks with a wicked cold/bird flu. I am finally starting to feel a bit better, though I'm not 100 percent yet. This, combined with a pile of freelance work, has kept my head down. When I am not sleeping, I am working. But here's the good news: I have almost finished the freelance jobs on my desk and should be done by Monday, and I am feeling better. But I am seriously behind in e-mail, so if I owe anyone a response, my apologies (and excuses).
On Monday, we begin our birth classes. We are now at 32 weeks, which means only eight weeks to go. How did the time pass so quickly? I'm trying to get ready and buy the things we need. Breast pump, diapers, etc. just to make sure we are ready to go. You never know. She may decide to show up early. I am an impatient person and it wouldn't surprise me if she is, too.
Still working on the nursery. Family visits and illness slowed us down, but we are very close to finished. I'm sure Nate will post pictures on his Flickr soon.
In gardening news, we cleared out one bed and planted three rose bushes and several herbs. I also included a strawberry plant I grabbed by mistake (I thought it was thyme; yes, I know, they look nothing alike but I'm telling you, my mind has not been totally present lately). We also had some wildflower seeds we purchased from Native American Seed. We are waiting to see if they sprout. This year, I decided to try to plant some veggies. So far, my cucumbers and Roma tomatoes have sprouted and are ready to go into the ground. I'm waiting on my tomatillos and peppers. And when it gets a little warmer, we may plant corn and sunflowers.
Still to come in the garden: possibly native grass in the back yard. We have a large patch of dirt and I hate wasting money (and water!) on watering so I don't want to use St. Augustine or any equivalent. We may get some the Native Sun Turfgrass mix from Native American Seed. It’s a combination of Blue Gama and Buffalograss. After it’s established, it should require no water or fertilization. That would leave only one bed in our yard that hasn't been addressed. We've talked about possibly doing a tropical bed: palms, banana trees, that kind of thing. After two years in our house we will have replaced all of the bare and/or dying things, which feels pretty nice. And here's the thing: it's now or never. After the bebe makes her appearance, I seriously doubt we'll be able to do more than maintenance in the yard. At least until she's a little older.
So we have had a ton of expenses lately, which we expected. Paying the doctor for the delivery (in advance of course), hospital fees (to come after she is born), spring planting, getting the house ready, all the assorted paraphernalia associated with bebes (the already mentioned diapers, etc.). And, oh yes, taxes. Luckily this year we were more prepared so our bill was much lower than last year. It was just a lot of expenses in a short amount of time. And here is my final big expense, I think. I am seriously considering charging a computer. I have done a ton of freelance work this past year, but I always use Nate's computer. I haven't bought my own new computer in almost seven years. Insane, with the amount of work I'm doing at home. Also, I would like a laptop for the mobility (Nate has a desktop and it's in the same room as his X-Box, which can be problematic at times). I've been trying to limit charging things but I think this purchase might be worth it. (All of my freelance money—and then some—has been going to some of the other expenses I've mentioned. But maybe we're getting close to the end of some of these big cash outlays. Ha! I know all new parents out there are shaking their heads sadly at my naivete.)
So I'll leave you with this thought. I get a weekly e-newsletter from my old writing program, and this quote was included in this week's missive:
"... And you know, you don't have to, like, beg or pray in a church—with Satan, you just tell him what you want and YOU GET IT."
—The Electric Hellfire Club, "Psychedelic Sacrifice"
I have been sick for almost two weeks with a wicked cold/bird flu. I am finally starting to feel a bit better, though I'm not 100 percent yet. This, combined with a pile of freelance work, has kept my head down. When I am not sleeping, I am working. But here's the good news: I have almost finished the freelance jobs on my desk and should be done by Monday, and I am feeling better. But I am seriously behind in e-mail, so if I owe anyone a response, my apologies (and excuses).
On Monday, we begin our birth classes. We are now at 32 weeks, which means only eight weeks to go. How did the time pass so quickly? I'm trying to get ready and buy the things we need. Breast pump, diapers, etc. just to make sure we are ready to go. You never know. She may decide to show up early. I am an impatient person and it wouldn't surprise me if she is, too.
Still working on the nursery. Family visits and illness slowed us down, but we are very close to finished. I'm sure Nate will post pictures on his Flickr soon.
In gardening news, we cleared out one bed and planted three rose bushes and several herbs. I also included a strawberry plant I grabbed by mistake (I thought it was thyme; yes, I know, they look nothing alike but I'm telling you, my mind has not been totally present lately). We also had some wildflower seeds we purchased from Native American Seed. We are waiting to see if they sprout. This year, I decided to try to plant some veggies. So far, my cucumbers and Roma tomatoes have sprouted and are ready to go into the ground. I'm waiting on my tomatillos and peppers. And when it gets a little warmer, we may plant corn and sunflowers.
Still to come in the garden: possibly native grass in the back yard. We have a large patch of dirt and I hate wasting money (and water!) on watering so I don't want to use St. Augustine or any equivalent. We may get some the Native Sun Turfgrass mix from Native American Seed. It’s a combination of Blue Gama and Buffalograss. After it’s established, it should require no water or fertilization. That would leave only one bed in our yard that hasn't been addressed. We've talked about possibly doing a tropical bed: palms, banana trees, that kind of thing. After two years in our house we will have replaced all of the bare and/or dying things, which feels pretty nice. And here's the thing: it's now or never. After the bebe makes her appearance, I seriously doubt we'll be able to do more than maintenance in the yard. At least until she's a little older.
So we have had a ton of expenses lately, which we expected. Paying the doctor for the delivery (in advance of course), hospital fees (to come after she is born), spring planting, getting the house ready, all the assorted paraphernalia associated with bebes (the already mentioned diapers, etc.). And, oh yes, taxes. Luckily this year we were more prepared so our bill was much lower than last year. It was just a lot of expenses in a short amount of time. And here is my final big expense, I think. I am seriously considering charging a computer. I have done a ton of freelance work this past year, but I always use Nate's computer. I haven't bought my own new computer in almost seven years. Insane, with the amount of work I'm doing at home. Also, I would like a laptop for the mobility (Nate has a desktop and it's in the same room as his X-Box, which can be problematic at times). I've been trying to limit charging things but I think this purchase might be worth it. (All of my freelance money—and then some—has been going to some of the other expenses I've mentioned. But maybe we're getting close to the end of some of these big cash outlays. Ha! I know all new parents out there are shaking their heads sadly at my naivete.)
So I'll leave you with this thought. I get a weekly e-newsletter from my old writing program, and this quote was included in this week's missive:
"... And you know, you don't have to, like, beg or pray in a church—with Satan, you just tell him what you want and YOU GET IT."
—The Electric Hellfire Club, "Psychedelic Sacrifice"