Dreams
I've been having very detailed, plot-driven dreams lately. They are often morbid. I dream about assaults, kidnappings, or weird dysfunctional relationships. The dreams are like movies or television shows, but I've never actually seen them. They make sense, and I often think they might make either good screenplays or TV shows. They aren't deep but they are violent, action packed, and sort of interesting. Sometimes I've woken up and thought that I was somehow dreaming about real people going through real things.
I could just be going through a crazy dream cycle or maybe this is the influence of The Shield, a cop show Nate and I have watched. I think we're one season behind (we've been catching up with DVDs of past seasons) but that show ... man. It makes me anxious. There are all sort of messed-up events going on. People getting their feet cut off, big heists, bending and breaking the rules, assaults of all kinds, I don't know. I think it's a good show. Well written and many of the actors are excellent. But it does make me anxious, especially because I know that many of the crimes they show are real. I'm not saying they happen every day or every where but they are realistic enough that you realize that those kinds of things could happen to you, your neighbors, or your family. So maybe that's why I'm having these dreams.
I've started a notebook where I list down ideas and dialogue. Maybe someday I'll get around to some of those snippets.
Tuesday
Random things I've thought about today
1. Crazy people. When I was younger, I often had friends who were high-maintenance, overly dramatic, and sometimes downright crazy. I even dated some of them. As I've gotten older, I've tried to limit the crazies to family members. (If you're family, I'll put up with your crazy ass. If you' are not related by blood or marriage, all my crazy slots are full.) There's only so much time and energy I have. And I got tired of wasting that energy on people who always had problems of their own making, who asked for advice and never took it, and who rinsed and repeated the process over and over again. I've been pretty successful with this goal or strategy or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes I miss the good stories that always resulted from the crazy-people antics, but I rarely miss the crazy people themselves.
2. Why have I been so itchy lately? For the past week or so, I have been itching like crazy. The itching gets worse at night, for some reason. I've looked at my skin and I don't have bug bites or a rash. I'm not using new soap or new lotion or anything. My only thought at this point is that maybe I'm dehydrated and my skin is dry. I'm still trying to figure this one out.
3. Sometimes I think I married a man who is my opposite in small, but critical ways. He wants to plan; I want to let things unfold by themselves. He wants to know spoilers before we go see a movie; I want to know as little as possible before walking in the theater. He has a penis; I have a vagina. Stuff like that. For the past week or two, I've been trying to plan a surprise birthday party for Nate in Austin with some of his old friends. As our trip approaches, Nate has been getting on me to make plans with people because he was worried we wouldn't have time to see everyone, and then he started arranging things himself when I seemed to be dragging my feet. Only, these plans were going to interfere with my party! So I had to tell him what I was doing because all of my lame excuses about why we couldn't schedule this or that were starting to annoy him.
"Why do you want to leave everything up in the air?" he wondered.
Well, now he knows.
4. Why do I love coffee so much? Should I drink something else? Is coffee/dehydration why my skin is so itchy?
5. When Nate and I both lived in Austin, we lived south in the Barton Hills neighborhood. We rarely went north of downtown for dinner, drinks, or to friends' houses. For example, we didn't go to Hyde Park, even though I had lived there before and liked the 'hood and some of the restaurants in the area. Even UT/West Campus was a stretch. When friends who lived north of 15th street or so invited us to visit them in north Austin, we'd usually talk them into coming down south. And because almost all of our friends lived south, this was usually easy to do. Whenever people talked about living in north Austin, we always said, “You might as well live in Dallas.” The karmic justice is, of course, that we now live in Dallas.
The impending birthday gathering, which is naturally to be held in north Austin, has made me realize several things. I don’t know any of the restaurants up there because I wouldn’t drive north of downtown if I could help it. I’ve never been to Trudy’s North (I always went to Trudy’s South and Central). Also, I’m going to have to try to convince south Austinites (the majority of our friends) to drive north.
6. Despite my possibly seemingly cranky self, I am trying to be more kind and patient with people. This is, paradoxically, one of the reasons I try not to spend too much time with people who drive me crazy. Because I think its kinder to all of us to let each person follow his or her own strange path, no matter how odd it might seem to other people, with as little interference as possible. And then we can each face karmic justice in our own ways. Like planning a “surprise” birthday party in north Austin while living in Dallas.
1. Crazy people. When I was younger, I often had friends who were high-maintenance, overly dramatic, and sometimes downright crazy. I even dated some of them. As I've gotten older, I've tried to limit the crazies to family members. (If you're family, I'll put up with your crazy ass. If you' are not related by blood or marriage, all my crazy slots are full.) There's only so much time and energy I have. And I got tired of wasting that energy on people who always had problems of their own making, who asked for advice and never took it, and who rinsed and repeated the process over and over again. I've been pretty successful with this goal or strategy or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes I miss the good stories that always resulted from the crazy-people antics, but I rarely miss the crazy people themselves.
2. Why have I been so itchy lately? For the past week or so, I have been itching like crazy. The itching gets worse at night, for some reason. I've looked at my skin and I don't have bug bites or a rash. I'm not using new soap or new lotion or anything. My only thought at this point is that maybe I'm dehydrated and my skin is dry. I'm still trying to figure this one out.
3. Sometimes I think I married a man who is my opposite in small, but critical ways. He wants to plan; I want to let things unfold by themselves. He wants to know spoilers before we go see a movie; I want to know as little as possible before walking in the theater. He has a penis; I have a vagina. Stuff like that. For the past week or two, I've been trying to plan a surprise birthday party for Nate in Austin with some of his old friends. As our trip approaches, Nate has been getting on me to make plans with people because he was worried we wouldn't have time to see everyone, and then he started arranging things himself when I seemed to be dragging my feet. Only, these plans were going to interfere with my party! So I had to tell him what I was doing because all of my lame excuses about why we couldn't schedule this or that were starting to annoy him.
"Why do you want to leave everything up in the air?" he wondered.
Well, now he knows.
4. Why do I love coffee so much? Should I drink something else? Is coffee/dehydration why my skin is so itchy?
5. When Nate and I both lived in Austin, we lived south in the Barton Hills neighborhood. We rarely went north of downtown for dinner, drinks, or to friends' houses. For example, we didn't go to Hyde Park, even though I had lived there before and liked the 'hood and some of the restaurants in the area. Even UT/West Campus was a stretch. When friends who lived north of 15th street or so invited us to visit them in north Austin, we'd usually talk them into coming down south. And because almost all of our friends lived south, this was usually easy to do. Whenever people talked about living in north Austin, we always said, “You might as well live in Dallas.” The karmic justice is, of course, that we now live in Dallas.
The impending birthday gathering, which is naturally to be held in north Austin, has made me realize several things. I don’t know any of the restaurants up there because I wouldn’t drive north of downtown if I could help it. I’ve never been to Trudy’s North (I always went to Trudy’s South and Central). Also, I’m going to have to try to convince south Austinites (the majority of our friends) to drive north.
6. Despite my possibly seemingly cranky self, I am trying to be more kind and patient with people. This is, paradoxically, one of the reasons I try not to spend too much time with people who drive me crazy. Because I think its kinder to all of us to let each person follow his or her own strange path, no matter how odd it might seem to other people, with as little interference as possible. And then we can each face karmic justice in our own ways. Like planning a “surprise” birthday party in north Austin while living in Dallas.
Monday
God's Truth
"Our country's fundamentalism is no prettier than anyone else's," she says. "It's really peculiar that the super-fundamentalists in this country talk about fundamentalists in other countries as extremists. They're all alike, whether they're Jewish or Muslim or Christian. God has told them they're right and nobody else is right. It's so laughable, so pitiful."
From a profile of the poet Naomi Shihab Nye.
"Our country's fundamentalism is no prettier than anyone else's," she says. "It's really peculiar that the super-fundamentalists in this country talk about fundamentalists in other countries as extremists. They're all alike, whether they're Jewish or Muslim or Christian. God has told them they're right and nobody else is right. It's so laughable, so pitiful."
From a profile of the poet Naomi Shihab Nye.
Wednesday
Home Improvement
Even though I was hoping to get started on my revision this week, I may have to push that goal back a bit. Last night we started painting Nate's office. After we finish, we'll paint the hall. The schedule this week will be: working from 8:30 - 5, painting until 8 or 9, dinner, and then bed. Not much time or energy for revising.
We'll see. I haven't given up all hope on revising yet, but I'm trying to be realistic and also not kill myself.
Once we finish the room, I'll share some pictures.
Even though I was hoping to get started on my revision this week, I may have to push that goal back a bit. Last night we started painting Nate's office. After we finish, we'll paint the hall. The schedule this week will be: working from 8:30 - 5, painting until 8 or 9, dinner, and then bed. Not much time or energy for revising.
We'll see. I haven't given up all hope on revising yet, but I'm trying to be realistic and also not kill myself.
Once we finish the room, I'll share some pictures.
Tuesday
Coincidence?
Right now I am doing a repetitive, fairly mindless piece of proofreading. Since it is so mindless, I am listening to my iPod while I work. I’m listening to David Gray, and his music always reminds me of Nate.
About five years ago, Nate and I went to a David Gray concert with a mutual friend. We didn’t know each other very well and I think it was the first time we hung out socially. I thought he was funny. We stood and listened to David Gray at La Zona Rosa (I think that was the venue). At the time I had long hair, so I kept pulling it up and holding it away from my neck. He was standing behind me slightly and it felt like he was staring at me. I kept telling myself it was my imagination, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was staring.
Months later when we started dating, Nate told me that he was, in fact, staring at the back of my neck.
When we were picking songs for our wedding, David Gray seemed like the right choice. Our first dance was to “Sail Away.” I’m listening to that song now.
There were so many coincidences that brought about our relationship. Enough that I’ve started thinking there are no coincidences. Nate got hired to replace me at an old job, which is how we met. I moved away from Austin for the job and when I moved back I ended up moving into a house a block up the street from him. A few of our friends invited us to the same events and we gradually got to know each other. One Halloween night in particular (five years ago), I got into an argument with a friend, changed my plans at the last moment, and ended up spending that night on Nate’s lap because the place was packed and there were four of us and three chairs. We became friends after that night. Good friends. We hung out more often, talked on the phone and over IM. Then came the night when Nate asked for my advice. He’d been dating a girl who told him he went out too much with his friends and she couldn’t imagine the father of her children behaving this way. (For the record, they’d been dating a month and he was 26 years old at the time.) My advice: Dump her. Then things really got interesting …
Right now I am doing a repetitive, fairly mindless piece of proofreading. Since it is so mindless, I am listening to my iPod while I work. I’m listening to David Gray, and his music always reminds me of Nate.
About five years ago, Nate and I went to a David Gray concert with a mutual friend. We didn’t know each other very well and I think it was the first time we hung out socially. I thought he was funny. We stood and listened to David Gray at La Zona Rosa (I think that was the venue). At the time I had long hair, so I kept pulling it up and holding it away from my neck. He was standing behind me slightly and it felt like he was staring at me. I kept telling myself it was my imagination, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was staring.
Months later when we started dating, Nate told me that he was, in fact, staring at the back of my neck.
When we were picking songs for our wedding, David Gray seemed like the right choice. Our first dance was to “Sail Away.” I’m listening to that song now.
There were so many coincidences that brought about our relationship. Enough that I’ve started thinking there are no coincidences. Nate got hired to replace me at an old job, which is how we met. I moved away from Austin for the job and when I moved back I ended up moving into a house a block up the street from him. A few of our friends invited us to the same events and we gradually got to know each other. One Halloween night in particular (five years ago), I got into an argument with a friend, changed my plans at the last moment, and ended up spending that night on Nate’s lap because the place was packed and there were four of us and three chairs. We became friends after that night. Good friends. We hung out more often, talked on the phone and over IM. Then came the night when Nate asked for my advice. He’d been dating a girl who told him he went out too much with his friends and she couldn’t imagine the father of her children behaving this way. (For the record, they’d been dating a month and he was 26 years old at the time.) My advice: Dump her. Then things really got interesting …
Thursday
How long does it take to write a novel?
I dunno. How much time you got?
I was telling Nate about writing and revising my novel and he found my timeline interesting so I thought I’d share it with all you aspiring writers out there.
Summer 2001: I get a glimmer of an idea for a novel. I think about the idea after work, during my daily walk/run.
Fall 2001: I start trying to write the novel. I write 30-40 pages and use this as a sample for my MFA application. At about page 50, I stop writing because I don’t know what in the hell I’m doing.
Spring 2002: During my first semester in an MFA program, I do a lot of writing exercises to try to learn more about my characters. Much of this material is useful as background but does not find its way into the novel. A small bit is still in the book, in a much-revised form.
Summer 2002: Reach150 pages or so.
Fall 2002/Spring 2003: Get to about 300 pages and cut at least half of them.
Summer 2003: Get some writing done, but also get married--planning a wedding out of state--so summer is not a very productive writing time.
Fall 2003: Reach about 200-250 pages.
Spring 2004: Revise first 100 pages or so to use as my thesis. Graduate with my MFA. Know exactly what needs to happen in the novel but am working full time, taking classes, and don’t have as much time as I would like to write.
Summer 2004: Nate is transferred to Dallas. Since I quit a job I really liked, and because we will be able to afford it, we come to an agreement that I will take some time off. From July to mid-August, I write about 200 pages. In mid-August, I go to Bread Loaf.
September 2004: After Bread Loaf, I start looking for a job and almost immediately find one. Although very excited at first, I soon come to regret taking the position.
October 2004: Finish the first draft of the novel, which is approximately 450 pages.
November 2004-May 2005: Work so many 10-to-12 hour days I have little time to write. Also buy a house and get a new puppy. During this period, I revise about 75 pages. Not much.
May 2005: Blessedly, my sucky job ends. I had begun looking for a job in the spring and had had two interviews at a local university. I keep looking for a job in case I don’t get an offer.
June 2005: Revise approximately 300 pages.
July 2005: Right after I get the university job offer, I am offered a teaching fellowship but know it will leave absolutely no time for writing (5 composition classes each semester), and am offered interviews for two other positions. Decide to stick with the university job for the regular schedule and awesome benefits. Adjust to a new job.
August 2005: Start revising again. Revise the last sections of the novel, completing draft #2. Manuscript is now at 510 pages.
September 2005: Plan is to work on draft #3, trying to iron out any remaining issues with character, plot, and continuity. Then I plan on doing two more drafts. Draft #4 will focus on the characters, trying to make each voice sound distinct. Draft #5 will be the tightening and cutting draft. Stay tuned …
Wednesday
Last Night
When I got home from work early yesterday evening, our street was in an uproar. One of our neighbors owns and operates a moving company from his home. He usually has a large moving truck parked in front of his house. This bothers some of the neighbors. They don’t like the big moving truck in the street. They say it makes the block crowded. He’s about two doors down from us and while it has never bothered me, I understand why the truck might bother other people.
Last night, something happened with the moving truck. I don’t know if the brakes failed or what, but the truck rolled down the hill, almost hit a woman just as she crossed the intersection where the truck was heading, and then the truck drove into a neighbor’s yard. The truck hit a big tree in the yard. In my opinion, this was lucky. Those neighbors lost the tree, sure, but the tree stopped the truck from hitting their house.
But people in our ‘hood (many of whom are elderly) freaked out and called the police. I understand, I do. But accidents happen. They are an unfortunate part of life. I keep thinking: No one got hurt, thank God, and the main damage (other than the truck’s front end) was to the tree. Which sucks, granted, but things could have been so much worse.
When I got home from work early yesterday evening, our street was in an uproar. One of our neighbors owns and operates a moving company from his home. He usually has a large moving truck parked in front of his house. This bothers some of the neighbors. They don’t like the big moving truck in the street. They say it makes the block crowded. He’s about two doors down from us and while it has never bothered me, I understand why the truck might bother other people.
Last night, something happened with the moving truck. I don’t know if the brakes failed or what, but the truck rolled down the hill, almost hit a woman just as she crossed the intersection where the truck was heading, and then the truck drove into a neighbor’s yard. The truck hit a big tree in the yard. In my opinion, this was lucky. Those neighbors lost the tree, sure, but the tree stopped the truck from hitting their house.
But people in our ‘hood (many of whom are elderly) freaked out and called the police. I understand, I do. But accidents happen. They are an unfortunate part of life. I keep thinking: No one got hurt, thank God, and the main damage (other than the truck’s front end) was to the tree. Which sucks, granted, but things could have been so much worse.
Thursday
In other, not so tragic news
I finished my second draft last night. Current manuscript clocks in at 510 pages. I'm taking Labor Day Weekend off (fittingly) and then I'll start on the next one.
Three drafts to go, I think.
Third draft: resolve outstanding plot, character, and continuity issues.
Fourth draft: work on the voice for individual characters so each sounds distinct.
Fifth draft: Clean up. Tighten as much as possible.
I finished my second draft last night. Current manuscript clocks in at 510 pages. I'm taking Labor Day Weekend off (fittingly) and then I'll start on the next one.
Three drafts to go, I think.
Third draft: resolve outstanding plot, character, and continuity issues.
Fourth draft: work on the voice for individual characters so each sounds distinct.
Fifth draft: Clean up. Tighten as much as possible.
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