Napping, a Beautiful Thing

Well I haven't written much for a couple of reasons. I've started doing freelance work again, which I work on while Zoe is napping, and I finished another draft of the novel. I cut a little more than 100 pages of the 150 the agent asked for. So I'm about to read it again and see if I can shave any more off. The first time I cut a lot of dead weight. This time I suspect the cuts will be harder, if I make any more at all. I'm only going to lose the things that I don't think will take away from the novel.

So freelance work and novel revising are what I do when Zoe is sleeping, which she did very little of last week. Supposedly at her age she should be sleeping about 15 hours a day. Babies are different, naturally, but that is a rough guide. Well, last week she hardly napped at all. Instead of 2-4 naps of an hour or two, she would take one or two naps of half an hour. She was a hot mess, and spent most of the day crying. We can decipher the meaning of some of her cries (when she's hungry, for instance, it sounds like "eh,") and her tired cry is very distinct. She would just wail away, obviously miserable. On the worst day, I saw her little swollen eyes and just felt so badly for her. But I did everything. Nursed, rocked, walked around with her in a sling, took her for a walk in the stroller. Everything that usually worked did not do a damn thing last week. Then, it was over. Starting this past Sunday or so, she just started napping again like normal and she is back to her sweet, happy self. You just never know what's going to happen in the wild and woolly world of newborns, I suppose.

My maternity leave is coming to an end. I'll be back at work in two weeks and I have very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to adult conversation and being out in the world again. On the other hand, the thought of leaving her with other people to care for her (though I know she'll be taken care of very well) just kills me. But, even if I could afford to stay home, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've enjoyed my time home with her but if this were a long-term thing, I think I'd go insane. I admire women who can do this but I think I'd become a total recluse (it's already happening) and not shower and who knows what else. I think I need more structure to my days to be content. But, as I said, I have mixed feelings about it all. Maybe working part time is the best of both worlds ...