Complacency


I wrote a couple of days ago about feeling restless. Usually, I get that feeling when I need to change something in my life. To be clear, these are not Big Things. I don’t need to quit my job or get divorced or buy a sports car. When I’ve had these feelings before, I’ve done something like gone back to school, moved, or started training for a marathon.

Lately I feel restless because I have become so complacent. Last night I was explaining to Nate that I feel like I’m asleep in my life. I’m just going through the motions. From the outside my life looks fine, and mostly it is fine. This is something internal.

I imagine this has something to do with the fact that my work on the novel has slowed to a trickle. I can’t say for sure why this is, but it’s affecting my mood. Added to that, Nate pointed out that he hasn’t seen me reading lately. Since I learned to read, I have had devoured one book after another. I don’t think I’ve ever gone a week without reading a book as I have done. It might even be two weeks. There’s something going on with me. There was a phrase John used to like, “the weather is about to change.” That’s what this feels like but I don’t know exactly what the change needs to be, only that it needs to happen. I need to make an adjustment. There is a technical term for this condition I have. It’s called navel gazing.


I don’t usually make New Year’s resolutions. I do, however, make a list of goals each year on my birthday. Things I’d like to learn, or try, or accomplish before my next birthday. Here’s a list of some of those things.

Learn how to knit.
Take yoga regularly again.
Take a bookmaking class.
Finish my MFA.
Finish a draft of the novel.

Here are the things I have done:

Gotten married.
Published a ton of articles at my former job (F News).
Quit that job and quit taking freelance work to focus on the novel.
Written approximately half of the novel.
Got hired at the Museum where I wanted to work even before I moved to Chicago.

So that leaves the fun stuff. After we move, I am going to look into yoga and knitting classes. In moving news, I think we have made a decision. We have to sign the lease on Saturday, but I think we have found a new home. If it all works out, I'll tell you about it after the weekend.