I Blame My Grandmother

My favorite Mexican songs are the ones where people are crying into their cervezas or tequila, either lamenting their lost love or cursing them or lying about how they never loved them anyway. I think my unhealthy fascination with these songs has to do with my grandmother taking care of me for the first several months of my life. She listened to Mexican radio stations all the time and warped me at an early age.

While Nate and I were in Mexico in September, we were in a bar playing pool and drinking beer and tequila. We started having a very intense conversation about marriage, fidelity, vows, attraction, and other heavy topics. I was tipsy and I started crying. Not out of sadness, exactly, it was more the intensity of feeling. We were talking about our bond, how to protect it, what happens when people stop taking care with their word, and all kinds of other things. Nate got worried because I was crying (of course I did not stop drinking). I told him really, it was nothing. This was just a Mexican thing to do, to sit in a bar crying over my beer and tequila and lamenting love. We walked out of the bar, I bought some tacos from a street vendor and chowed down, and I was in a fine mood the rest of the night. At first he was confused and then he had an epiphany about me and completely understood what I’d meant. I'm Mexican and my behavior was perfectly normal.

I had one of those epiphanies with Nate once in Chicago. We woke up one weekend morning and decided to go get breakfast. We ended up in a German restaurant where a live German band was playing. I was in the mood for coffee and eggs. Nate ordered schnitzel and an enormous stein of beer. It was probably 10 a.m. At one point, I stared at him as he moved his head to the oompa music and raised his beer and I realized: he is with his people. I feel like I had a better understanding of my husband after that. And after I cried in a bar in Mexico, I felt like Nate understood me better.

So, back to my unhealthy obsession. I’ve been listening to Lila Downs’ version of Jose Alfredo’s Jimenez’s song over and over again today.

Pa Todo El Ano

Por tu amor que tanto quiero
Y tanto extraño,
Que me sirvan otra copa y muchas más
Que me sirvan de una vez pa' todo el año
Que me pienso seriamente emborrachar.

Si te cuentan que me vieron muy borracho
Orgullosamente diles que es por ti,
Porque yo tendré el valor de no negarlo,
Gritaré que por tu amor me estoy matando
Y sabrán que por tus besos me perdí

Para de hoy en adelante
Ya el amor no me interesa,
Cantaré por todo el mundo
Mi dolor y mi tristeza,
Porque sé que de este golpe
Ya no voy a levantarme
Y aunque yo no lo quisiera
Voy a morirme de amor.

Any song that says:

For your love that I love
and miss so much
Serve me another cup and many more
May as well serve me now for the rest of the year
Because I plan to get seriously drunk.

If they tell you they saw me very drunk
Tell them proudly it's because of you
Because I'll have the nerve not to deny it
I'll yell that I'm killing myself for your love
And they'll know I lost myself over your kisses.

From this day forward
Love no longer interests me
I'll sing throughout the world
My pain and my sadness
Because I know after this blow
I'm not going to be able to get up
And even though I didn't want to
I'm going to die of love.

That's a rough translation but come on. Do you even question why I cry when I was warped as a child by songs like these?