Restless

Several years ago, I read a book about Tennessee Williams. The biography focused on his work, his writing habits, his life. One thing that struck me was the description of his travels. He would arrive in New Orleans, then suddenly leave for Miami, go to Mexico, go to New York, go to California. He was often on the move. It struck me because often I think if I could, I would take off like that. It comes not from having a sense of freedom, but from feeling restless. Rather than sitting and facing whatever it is--doubts, problems, etc.--that plague you, instead you just take off and try to outrun them. Of course it never works, but by moving all the time you have the sense of accomplishing something.

Nate noticed this quality in me when we both lived in Austin. Even though I had set up my life exactly as I wanted it, I longed to leave. I had a great house, I lived near the greenbelt and the hike and bike trail, I had a 10 or 15 minute commute to work, I lived near most of my friends and favorite restaurants, everything was pretty ideal. And I thought about leaving. Now that I'm in Chicago, I think about leaving, too. Nate thinks this is a personality quirk, that it will remain no matter where I live, and I think he's probably right. Even though I am very happy, I think about other places and living somewhere else, and I just have to accept that.

The good thing is that we are looking for a new apartment at least, so perhaps that will help me for a while. Tomorrow we have appointments to look at a few places. We have outgrown our apartment and need more room. It would also be nice to live closer to the el. We'll see how it all goes. But moving and visiting a few places this winter will help my restlessness.