So I go back to work the day after tomorrow and for me it feels like the first day of school. I'm excited but also bummed that summer is over. I'm also worried about what I'm going to wear. I'm 11 pounds heavier than I was pre-Zoe, so I can wear most of my clothes but some are a bit tight. I took a quick trip to Old Navy to get some transitional clothing. Also, since I have the life-sustaining milk, many of my old shirts are too tight.
And, of course, I am totally freaked out at the thought of other people taking care of my baby, which I hadn't anticipated feeling. Logically, I know we picked a good place and they'll take good care of her, but I'm going to miss her.
I'm also a little freaked out about pumping. I work in a cubicle situation and there is no private room for me to use. I'll be pumping in the server room, which part of me finds amusing. The other part of me wonders if I can make this work. We'll see. I'll do the best I can but I'm not going to drive myself crazy.
In Zoe news, she's been standing (with support, obviously)for about four weeks now. She can also sit by herself with support. She's responding to us a lot more--smiles, coos, and gurgles. For a while I thought her eyes were going brown but this week they seem very blue and at times they've looked gray, so who the hell knows? Her hair is part mohawk and part superman-curl-on-the-forehead.
I know both of us will get used to being apart during the day, but right now I'm pretty bummed about it. I don't think I understood that after I had Zoe that I would be completely and utterly infatuated with this tiny person and her hair curls.
Monday
Friday
Tuesday
Napping, a Beautiful Thing
Well I haven't written much for a couple of reasons. I've started doing freelance work again, which I work on while Zoe is napping, and I finished another draft of the novel. I cut a little more than 100 pages of the 150 the agent asked for. So I'm about to read it again and see if I can shave any more off. The first time I cut a lot of dead weight. This time I suspect the cuts will be harder, if I make any more at all. I'm only going to lose the things that I don't think will take away from the novel.
So freelance work and novel revising are what I do when Zoe is sleeping, which she did very little of last week. Supposedly at her age she should be sleeping about 15 hours a day. Babies are different, naturally, but that is a rough guide. Well, last week she hardly napped at all. Instead of 2-4 naps of an hour or two, she would take one or two naps of half an hour. She was a hot mess, and spent most of the day crying. We can decipher the meaning of some of her cries (when she's hungry, for instance, it sounds like "eh,") and her tired cry is very distinct. She would just wail away, obviously miserable. On the worst day, I saw her little swollen eyes and just felt so badly for her. But I did everything. Nursed, rocked, walked around with her in a sling, took her for a walk in the stroller. Everything that usually worked did not do a damn thing last week. Then, it was over. Starting this past Sunday or so, she just started napping again like normal and she is back to her sweet, happy self. You just never know what's going to happen in the wild and woolly world of newborns, I suppose.
My maternity leave is coming to an end. I'll be back at work in two weeks and I have very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to adult conversation and being out in the world again. On the other hand, the thought of leaving her with other people to care for her (though I know she'll be taken care of very well) just kills me. But, even if I could afford to stay home, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've enjoyed my time home with her but if this were a long-term thing, I think I'd go insane. I admire women who can do this but I think I'd become a total recluse (it's already happening) and not shower and who knows what else. I think I need more structure to my days to be content. But, as I said, I have mixed feelings about it all. Maybe working part time is the best of both worlds ...
Well I haven't written much for a couple of reasons. I've started doing freelance work again, which I work on while Zoe is napping, and I finished another draft of the novel. I cut a little more than 100 pages of the 150 the agent asked for. So I'm about to read it again and see if I can shave any more off. The first time I cut a lot of dead weight. This time I suspect the cuts will be harder, if I make any more at all. I'm only going to lose the things that I don't think will take away from the novel.
So freelance work and novel revising are what I do when Zoe is sleeping, which she did very little of last week. Supposedly at her age she should be sleeping about 15 hours a day. Babies are different, naturally, but that is a rough guide. Well, last week she hardly napped at all. Instead of 2-4 naps of an hour or two, she would take one or two naps of half an hour. She was a hot mess, and spent most of the day crying. We can decipher the meaning of some of her cries (when she's hungry, for instance, it sounds like "eh,") and her tired cry is very distinct. She would just wail away, obviously miserable. On the worst day, I saw her little swollen eyes and just felt so badly for her. But I did everything. Nursed, rocked, walked around with her in a sling, took her for a walk in the stroller. Everything that usually worked did not do a damn thing last week. Then, it was over. Starting this past Sunday or so, she just started napping again like normal and she is back to her sweet, happy self. You just never know what's going to happen in the wild and woolly world of newborns, I suppose.
My maternity leave is coming to an end. I'll be back at work in two weeks and I have very mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to adult conversation and being out in the world again. On the other hand, the thought of leaving her with other people to care for her (though I know she'll be taken care of very well) just kills me. But, even if I could afford to stay home, I just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I've enjoyed my time home with her but if this were a long-term thing, I think I'd go insane. I admire women who can do this but I think I'd become a total recluse (it's already happening) and not shower and who knows what else. I think I need more structure to my days to be content. But, as I said, I have mixed feelings about it all. Maybe working part time is the best of both worlds ...
Friday
Progress
We're making progress on several fronts. I have been revising the novel. I'm about halfway through a draft, though I might have to do another one or possibly two. An agent gave me good feedback about cutting some of the backstory and repetition. And while I think she is absolutely right (when your tangents have tangents you're probably going off course), I have been thinking about storytelling and American conventions.
Last week Nate and I watched the Spanish movie "Volver." Certain story lines pop up that are not resolved in a neat, Hollywood way, and some scenes would have been cut from an American movie because they showed an aspect of a character that didn't contribute to the overall plot. There were a lot of pieces that were allowed to flow and meander without trying to wrap them all up with a bow by the end. I think that's just a different story tradition that doesn't expect tidiness.
I have a novel that followed six people. Some of their individual stories didn't always have a ton to do with the overall plot. Part of me doesn't want to lose those aspects, even though I understand that to make the book more comercially appealing, it makes sense to have a "neater" book. These are things I've been debating as I cut and trim and lose entire chapters. It's possible I'm making the book better, in a way, but I also think that "better" is culturally determined (obviously).
In Zoe progress, she has been sleeping longer at night. Woohoo! The last week or so she's woken up 1-2 times to be fed and has slept in blocks of 4-5 hours. I feel much less like a zombie these days.
Nate posted some new videos and pictures. I think I mentioned before that she crosses her feet while nursing. She does it when her dad feeds her, too. And this is an older video, but it's amusing. At five weeks she kept trying to move off her mat. She's already outgrown the outfit she's wearing in that clip. Time does fly. She is starting to get some rolls of fat on her legs, which makes me happy. I love the chubba chubs on babies. More to love.
Speaking of chubba chubs, last week I had my six week check up. Things look good. I gained 44.5 pounds while I was el prego and I've lost 28 pounds without dieting or exercising beyond a few walks. However, my weight loss seems to have stopped, which means I probably need to stop eating ice cream and start working out regularly. I do miss working out, but I've had a hard time taking care of Zoe, revising, AND working out. I seem to be able to do two of those things but not all three. Maybe I'll figure that out eventually.
If you happen to be around Dallas, I'll be participating in an reading for Wordspace on July 25. Come check it out.
We're making progress on several fronts. I have been revising the novel. I'm about halfway through a draft, though I might have to do another one or possibly two. An agent gave me good feedback about cutting some of the backstory and repetition. And while I think she is absolutely right (when your tangents have tangents you're probably going off course), I have been thinking about storytelling and American conventions.
Last week Nate and I watched the Spanish movie "Volver." Certain story lines pop up that are not resolved in a neat, Hollywood way, and some scenes would have been cut from an American movie because they showed an aspect of a character that didn't contribute to the overall plot. There were a lot of pieces that were allowed to flow and meander without trying to wrap them all up with a bow by the end. I think that's just a different story tradition that doesn't expect tidiness.
I have a novel that followed six people. Some of their individual stories didn't always have a ton to do with the overall plot. Part of me doesn't want to lose those aspects, even though I understand that to make the book more comercially appealing, it makes sense to have a "neater" book. These are things I've been debating as I cut and trim and lose entire chapters. It's possible I'm making the book better, in a way, but I also think that "better" is culturally determined (obviously).
In Zoe progress, she has been sleeping longer at night. Woohoo! The last week or so she's woken up 1-2 times to be fed and has slept in blocks of 4-5 hours. I feel much less like a zombie these days.
Nate posted some new videos and pictures. I think I mentioned before that she crosses her feet while nursing. She does it when her dad feeds her, too. And this is an older video, but it's amusing. At five weeks she kept trying to move off her mat. She's already outgrown the outfit she's wearing in that clip. Time does fly. She is starting to get some rolls of fat on her legs, which makes me happy. I love the chubba chubs on babies. More to love.
Speaking of chubba chubs, last week I had my six week check up. Things look good. I gained 44.5 pounds while I was el prego and I've lost 28 pounds without dieting or exercising beyond a few walks. However, my weight loss seems to have stopped, which means I probably need to stop eating ice cream and start working out regularly. I do miss working out, but I've had a hard time taking care of Zoe, revising, AND working out. I seem to be able to do two of those things but not all three. Maybe I'll figure that out eventually.
If you happen to be around Dallas, I'll be participating in an reading for Wordspace on July 25. Come check it out.