Personal Symbolism

When Nate and I were planning our wedding, we looked for a symbol that would represent the unity of masculine and feminine. Something like the yin and yang symbol, which we didn't want to use for a variety of reasons. As we looked around, we kept coming back to the sun and moon. El sol (masculine) and la luna (feminine). Nate's mom had drawn artwork for his brother's wedding invitations and we thought it would be cool if she did the same for us.



While we were on our honeymoon in Playa del Carmen, we happened upon this necklace, which fit in rather nicely with the theme of our wedding. It's one of my favorite pieces of jewelry, as anyone who sees me regularly knows. I wear it often.

Zoe was born on May 19. That evening, the sky had a crescent moon, Venus, and
as Space.com explained: "you may be able to see the full globe of the Moon, its darkened portion glowing with a bluish-gray hue interposed between the sunlit crescent and not much darker sky. This vision is sometimes called 'the old Moon in the young Moon's arms.' Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) was the first to recognize it as what we now call 'Earthshine.'"

I've thought about getting a tattoo at various points in my life but could never decide on a symbol. I wanted to make sure that anything I put on my body would be something I could live with permanently. After I had Zoe, I began to think about commemorating that life-changing event with something related to the moon, since that has had so much symbolism for me during my marriage.

I have a rough idea, a recommendation for a tattoo artist and studio, but haven't built up my nerve yet. I tend to avoid pain if given the choice so I'll have to overcome that if I really decide to go through with this.

Randomness

This post is going to be all over the place as I share a few very random thoughts.

1. Priorities
Best quote I've seen about the UFO story out of Stephenville: "All I can say is, if space aliens were hovering over Texas last week, then maybe that explains the Cowboys. The Stephenville newspaper, the Empire-Tribune, actually broke the story Thursday. But as far as I can tell, absolutely nobody in Texas paid attention until after Dallas was knocked out of the football playoffs."

Aliens, if you want to get Texans' attention, you have to wait until after football season is over. Hello! Aren't you supposed to be an advanced life form? They probably don't get the NFL Network in their satellite package, either.

2. The State of the Uterus
For some reason, I've had a lot of people ask me recently if I plan on having more babies, and at least two were surprised when my answer wasn't "yes, we're trying right now!" I guess they think that Zoe, who will be eight months this week, is old enough for me to start the procreation process again. My uterus hasn't recovered from the first baby yet! Heck, she hasn't even been out in the world as long as she was in the womb. Give me time, people. Time. Also, I still have to lose ten pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I guess I should stop eating fast food and ice cream then. Doh!

3. The Things People Say
Recently, I was asked if I was "full Mexican." I get variations on this question often, due partly to my name (I assume). My maiden name doesn't sound Latino, my married name is German, and I think the combination of the two confuses people. (Side note: only in Texas can a woman of Mexican heritage end up with a name like Dutchover Stull). Anyhoo, I understood what she was asking and I said yes. Then she asked if I planned on having more children (please see State of the Uterus, above). I said maybe, but not right away. Then she said, "'Cause I know Mexicans like to have lots of babies." Even though it was unfortunately phrased, I don't think she meant any harm by what she said. My response was, "Not me!" I guess I could have gone into a lecture about being more p.c. but I just let it go. I'm as quick to take offense as anyone and it just didn't feel malintentioned. This goes into the long and ever-expanding file of "weird things people say to Yvonne for no discernible reason."

4. Which Got Me to Thinking ...
When I used to walk into a new setting, like a classroom, lecture, sports game, I would count how many people of color there were. I think this was a holdover from growing up in West Texas, being in honors/AP courses, and being usually one of only a handful of "minorities." I am used to hearing lots of weird comments made to me/about me/around me because of my ethnicity, name, confusion created by the combination of the two, etc. so I think I used to kind of scope out the situation instinctively.

I've outgrown this habit recently, since Zoe was born to be honest, but I think this is due to parental exhaustion and not any great depth of character or growing maturity. Coincidentally, the numbers/ratio that were an issue when I was younger have been there my whole educational and professional life and are still true. In graduate school and in my current job I am one of a handful of "others." But I'm so tired these days I think I just don't have the energy to care. Also, having a "half" child has caused a slight rearrangement of ideas related to this topic, and I'm sure these ideas will only be further discombobulated as Zoe grows and faces her own interesting experiences and comments. (Or maybe not. We'll see. Ask me about this again in a few months, once I've had a full night of sleep again and maybe I'll have a different opinion.)

Anyway, this got me to thinking. When I walked into my yoga class today, I noticed two men on the other side of the room. I wasn't doing my informal interior census thing; I noticed them for two reasons. One is that they were speaking in Spanish (sounded more Caribbean versus Mexican; my guess is Puerto Rican) and the second is that one of the men kept staring at me. The way he was looking at me made me think that he, like me, is used to seeing primarily "white" faces on campus, so when he saw me he stared because I look more like him. Maybe he was doing his informal census.

Something like this happened recently when I went to get my eyes checked. The doctor was Latino and when he walked into the examination room (first time I've ever seen him), he smiled and said "Hi!" like we'd met before and I responded to him the same way, like he was someone I already knew. It was because he looked familiar to me. I didn't know him; his features just reminded me of (Latino) people I already know. There was just that sort of instant sense of recognition and our exchange was very friendly. As he was going through the exam, he told me that I look like one of his cousins and I reminded him of her. So, there you go.

I don't know where I'm going with this. Just a few random thoughts about ethnicity, weird ways we respond to it, and UFOs. I could make an illegal alien joke here, but I think I'll stop before I offend more people than I already have.

Like Father, Like Daughter

This morning, Zoe said "mama" for the first time. She hasn't put the word together with me yet, but I hope that isn't too far behind. And I liked the outfit her dad put on her, so I had to document it. I think of these as Zoe's "Picasso pants."



(I have a book of photographs by David Douglas Duncan. He took a series of unposed pictures of Picasso while he was working and there are several where Picasso is wearing a pair of crazy striped pants. A ton of other photos from the book are online, but sadly I couldn't find a good one of the pants. This is the only one I found and you get just a glimpse of the stripes.)

Zoe's personity is revealing itself so much more these days. Here's a video from last night in which she giggles at my lame noises.She's so easily amused!

When I do the daycare drop off/pick up, I've noticed that a lot of people say hi to Zoe. Teachers in other classrooms, other kids, people I've never met before. Today as I was talking to Zoe's main teacher (her daycare pairs each infant with a specific teacher to promote bonding), another woman leaned in and said, "Hi, Zoe!" as so often happens. Zoe's response, as is typical, was to smile and giggle. Her teacher said, "Zoe's very popular. Everyone comes in to say hi to her." She also said that Zoe is curious about everyone and will stare and stare at anyone who walks in. I find her meeting all these people impressive, considering she doesn't talk or walk yet! Then I was talking with the daycare director about something before we left and she also said, "Zoe is very social. She engages with all of us."

This cracks me up because she's just like her father. All the daycare ladies love Nate, as do all the women who work in his building. Nate is about to volunteer to be the block captain of our neighborhood watch, which means he will have to talk with and organize all the people on our block. I'm sensing a trend here ...

I find it amusing that my husband and daughter are so outgoing when I'm so ... not. I guess they're going to make me get out into the world and socialize, even if it doesn't come to me naturally.

2008 Reading List

An ongoing list of books I've read this year:


January
The Mistress's Daughter, A.M. Homes
We Happy Few, Rolando Hinojosa
Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
The Great Man, Kate Christensen
One True Thing, Anna Quindlen

February
The Diaries of Dawn Powell:1931-1965, Dawn Powell
The Gnostic Gospels, Elaine Pagels

March
Paula Spencer, Roddy Doyle

Odd

I've been in two bathrooms in Dallas that have ashtrays built into the armrests in the stalls. I guess they are probably a couple of decades old, but I'm wondering, was smoking on the toilet once a common habit?

First Tooth

Around Christmas, Zoe got her first tooth. First it was just a little corner jutting out, now it's the whole top. She's growing up so quickly. Her "teachers" in the infant room commented on how grown up she seems, which must mean they're starting to look for the developmental signs they need to see to bump her up to the next room. She gets up on her knees now, and she is more mobile, constantly rolling around. You have to be careful when you hold her these days because she will lunge herself in the direction she wants to go in. She's also starting to show some separation anxiety. She will cry or whine if I leave the room.

In general, she's developing more into a little person, an amazing thing to witness and the absolute coolest part of being a parent, watching this tiny being become a person. She also "talks" more and is repeating syllables which are fun to hear. Within the past few days she's started taking the dog's toys away from him, which is pretty funny.

For Christmas, Zoe mainly received clothes as gifts. A good thing because the girl is growing constantly. I retire clothes weekly, it seems. Obviously she is too young to understand Christmas but she really liked the lights and loved tearing the paper. She also liked trying to eat it. My favorite picture is this one where her tia Jennifer kept putting bows from opened presents on her head. She looks a little Frida Kahlo-esque, I think.


I got some lovely gifts, including a pearl necklace and earrings from Nate (ooh-la-la). We didn't really celebrate New Year's Eve, other than having dinner at home and staying up until midnight (a pretty admirable feat for us, these days). We did watch "NYE in Big D," which was a hoot. And of course as all new years do, it made me think of the previous year.

Good things in 2007:

Zoe, Zoe, Zoe
Watching Nate become a father
My new laptop!
Enjoying so much love and help from our families and friends this year
Lots of new babies--Lukas, Lily, and Kera in Austin, Evan in Dallas, and Sylas in Chicago
Our friend Randy got married

Resolutions

Nate and I kept our lists of "resolutions" from both 2006 and 2007. I use the quotes because a lot of the things on my list were choresy/task-type things. Like paint the den or buy French doors or whatever. Those lists are useful in their way, but this year I'm thinking about things I actually want to change in my life, versus just small tasks I want to accomplish. And when I look at my long list from last year, I wonder, where in the hell did I think I was going to find the time to do all that while I was pregnant and/or caring for an infant? Crazy.

So this year I'm going to keep it a little simpler. I'm going to focus on three things. I have two so far. The third requires a little more thought.