The Meaning of Life

Last night I made some chicken-cheese-corn chowder. It’s pretty damned good, if I do say so myself. Nate liked it, too, which is always a good sign. I’ve been cooking a lot more lately. I think that’s due to a couple of things. I recently finished Julie and Julia, which, if you haven’t read the book, details a year in the life of an outer-boroughs secretary while she tries to cook 500+ Julia Child recipes in a year. The other reason I think I’m cooking more is because I decided to take the month of November off from writing.

To recharge creatively was the idea, but there’s been an unintended side effect of not writing. I’ve been in a serious funk. I started blaming a lot of different things: work, not exercising regularly right now, hormones (I am pregnant, after all). But then I realized it’s none of those things. When I’m not writing, I feel at a loss. Writing makes me feel like I have a purpose in the world, like I’m doing something important (even if it’s only important to me). So when I’m not writing, I look around and think, is this it? Is this my life?

I know it’s a good life. I have a great husband, I love my house, I have good friends and family who love me, and oh yeah, I’m going to have a baby soon! These are all tremendous things. But somehow I still find myself searching for more. Luckily, only two more weeks until December. Then I can start working on my next book.

Thank You, Time

Today Katy and I were talking about how there are some songs you associate with exes. And how when we used to hear them, even if we didn't want to get back together with that person, and maybe we were in a better place now, the song still made us blue. But once enough time passes, you can listen to that music again and just appreciate it for what it is without getting all moody blues about it. So thank you, time, for giving music back to me.

Some Recent Realizations

My query letter has gone from sucking to so-so. Those letters are a bitch to write. I’ve seen some examples of good ones, but mine is not quite there yet. It’s serviceable, I guess, but hopefully I can get it a little better. That being said, I’m sending it out. Since I’m sending submissions in rounds, I’m hoping the letter will get better as I learn things. I don’t expect it to be perfect from the get-go.

In my research, I’ve read that agents and editors do not want long books (generally speaking, not more than 100K words) from debut authors. So I’m debating not mentioning my 146K-word count in my cover letters anymore. One of my readers had suggested cutting one of characters in the novel (one of my favorites, naturally). If I do end up following her suggestion, I may lose about 25k, which is still a long novel, but if length becomes an issue, he may be a good place to start cutting. In some ways, it would be hard to lose David. He gives me warm fuzzy feelings, but my friend might be right. The novel focuses on a family, and he’s the only narrator who isn’t an immediate member of that family. I thought it gave me an outsider’s look into a closed group, but maybe it takes the reader off track, as my reader said. I’m still mulling this over, but am more willing now to consider cutting him.

I’ve come up with a new reading strategy. Usually when I’m reading a book at home, I read before I fall asleep and leave the book on my night table. Since I am not and have never been a morning person and often wake up late, I usually forget my book at home and don’t have anything to read at lunch. I’ve solved this by having a second book at work (revolutionary concept, I know). Right now I’m reading Julie and Julia at work.

I just finished reading Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. It’s the second or third time I’ve read it in about ten years. This time I was trying to figure out how she’d pulled off a couple of things in her novel. One of the things I’ve always loved about books is how you can connect with a place (Cornwall, England) you’ve never been to, read about a life very different from yours (landed and titled British gentry), during an earlier time, and still completely understand and connect with the characters. As I was reading the book there were definitely times I was thinking, Damn, girl, you can write. But she was a Dame so you probably wouldn’t call her “girl.” Dame Daphne, if you’re nasty.

Hecho en Mexico

Warning: some bodily funcions discussed below. OK, as you were.

Since Nate wrote about this on his site, I think I can write about it here as well. The biggest change around these here parts is that we will soon be adding a baby to the Stullover household. My due date is May 27, 2007.

This means that while we were on vacation, we did more than bring home a few souvenirs from Mexico. Based on my guess, I think we conceived in Zacatecas around Labor Day. Originally, our plan had been to try to get pregnant in December. In preparation, I'd stopped taking birth control and I was taking prenatal vitamins. Over the next couple of months, we wanted to paint a couple of rooms in the house, maybe pay off a credit card. And I had plans to run a half marathon on Dec. 10 in Dallas. Right before we left for our trip, I realized I was ovulating. Since were on vacation, we said, what the heck?

So I think we got pregnant on a Monday or Tuesday. On Wednesday we left Zacatecas for Guanajuato. We stayed at Pita's, and she is a truly wonderful host. Her house is 300 hundred years old and very quirky. On Thursday, Nate got really sick. It seemed like altitude sickness--nausea, dizziness, exhaustion--only we had left a higher elevation and gone to a lower one, so it was a little odd. Pita asked me if I thought I might be pregnant, because when her daughter was expecting, it was her son-in-law who had all the symptoms. I laughed it off at the time, but wondered if she might be right. The next day, we visited my old house mother, who also asked me about being pregnant. I told her I honestly didn't know and if I was, it was early. We spent most of the visit talking about children and babies and she gave me advice on breastfeeding.

Then we got back to Texas. For the next few mornings when I drank my morning coffee, I felt sick. My stomach felt like it was tied up in knots. I stopped drinking coffee and a day or so before my period, I took one of those early-pregnancy tests. Negative. Went out that night and ate sushi because an old friend was in town and damn I love me some raw fish (probably wouldn't have done that if I'd known). A few days later when there was still no sign of the crimson wave, Nate drove me to the pharmacy and I bought another test or two. Took that one. The line was so faint, neither one of us was sure if it was a positive or if it was an evaporation line. It was truly confusing. Waited a few more days and got a positive, which at that point I was suspecting. I am so rarely late. For me to have been more than a week late would have literally been the first time in my life I'd ever been that delayed.

Everything was confirmed by the doc a few weeks later. I heard the heartbeat at seven weeks and saw a very shrimp-like creature floating around. We went back today, and at 10 weeks, the jelly bean looks much more babyish. Heartbeat was good and the doctor commented on what a "wiggly worm" the baby was and the length was a little less than two inches.

Needless to say, this is why my training has slowed. I am still running but am doing 2-3 miles versus the 5-6 I was running before. No morning sickness at all, aside from not being able to drink coffee. I've always had food cravings and almost always indulged them, so at this point, there's really nothing different in my life except I've been so tiiiiiired. Taking a lot of naps. I'm also eating more dairy than I normally would. Only other difference is that these past few days I've felt sort of a firmness in my belly. I think it's pooching out a little more, but I doubt anyone else could tell unless they saw me nekkid. And I've never had a totally flat belly, so it's not like that's a big change for me either.

So that's the big news. Waiting on the latest Stullover and drinking milkshakes. It's been pretty fun so far.

Disjointed

This entry is going to be a little all over the place. I feel like I'm coming down with something so my thinking is definitely not linear today.

Mexico
I found a link to a cartoonist's entries. He's in Oaxaca for a year with his family and has written a few thoughts on the conflict going on there.

Austin vs. Dallas
Got back from Austin on Sunday night and I was tiiiired. Not sure I'm recovered even now (perhaps that's why I feel like I'm coming down with something?). The book festival was good, a little heavy on politics, which is to be expected during an election year but not necessarily my cup of tea.

As we left, I felt quite ambivalent about Austin. To be honest, Nate and I have harbored fantasies of moving back to A-town, a city we both enjoyed and where we happened to fall in love and get married. Dallas is very spread out and thus is a car-centric town. In Austin, I was surprised by all the people walking around and on bikes, all the family friendly activities that brought people outside, and I loved that people are just out and about.

The bad side is that it now seems so incredibly crowded. A drive that used to take us 15-20 minutes took almost an hour; after ordering breakfast tacos at Taco Xpress, we waited for more than 20 minutes for our food; getting seated for dinner on Friday night took quite awhile, too. There are just a ton of people there now.

But then there are the odd, Austin moments. Looking over to the table next to us at dinner and seeing John Kerry drinking a frozen margarita; eating our breakfast tacos and seeing some old-school Austinites (aka, hippies) handing out roses to all the people in Taco Xpress. So I'm not sure. I really don't know if I want to live there again or not. There are condos sprouting freakin' everywhere, but our friends, they're always good.

We stayed with great hosts, Bill and Kimberly, and participated in their inaugural dinner for a supper club they've started. We got to catch up with some old friends at Gueros. And we were there for our neice's two year birthday party, which was a lot of fun (unwrapping the presents seemed to be more exciting than the presents themselves). We got back to Dallas and I felt, it's not as bad as some people would have you believe. It's really not that bad at all. We'll see if it grows on me over time (like a fungus, perhaps?).

In more recent, Dallas news, we had a few trick or treaters last night, maybe 10-15, about 30% in costumes. We almost gave away all our candy. I should have given more away at the beginning, I now know. I was trying to be conservative in case we had a lot of kids (three or four pieces per treater) but Nate was giving them bunches and gobs. I should have been more like him.

Lately, I've been doing quite a bit of reading. Since I'm done with the novel for now (unless an agent or editor asks for revisions--if I'm lucky), I've been relaxing and recharging. Hanging out with Nate, watching TV, and reading. I'm gearing up for my next project so I'm reading some other work for inspiration and ideas. I'm waiting for the story to gel and start coming together. I feel that happening. I should be ready to start soon; December, I'm guessing.